‘Jamie’s gone?’
‘We had this massive argument. You know I thought he was cheating?’
‘No!’
‘Oh, I thought I told you.’
I thought I told you. It was like a punch. If she’d been there, in London, Nia would have told her. They would have dissected it all a hundred times.
‘Was he? Cheating? Is he?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t think so. I went to see Magda.’
Anna was twenty-two again for a moment, drinking cheap wine in Nia’s parents’ kitchen, her mind on James. Jamie. How strange, Anna thought, that both of them had asked Magda for guidance regarding this same man. And Nia didn’t know that.
‘And?’
‘She said she didn’t think I had anything to worry about, but I couldn’t believe it. He was coming home late, all those things.’
‘Maybe he was working,’ Anna said.
‘That’s what he said.’
‘But you don’t believe him?’
Nia was sobbing again. Anna waited, wishing she was there and could put her arms around her friend, look her in the eyes and try to make her laugh through her tears. It was never the same on the phone. They pretended it was, but it wasn’t.
‘Why wouldn’t he cheat?’ Nia burst out. ‘Since I had Cara, I’m so different. I’m boring, I’m fat, I have nothing interesting to say…’
‘Nia, none of those things are true.’
‘You don’t know, Anna. You’re not here.’
Anna didn’t know what to say. And then she did. ‘Shall I come? If you need me, Nia, I’ll come.’
Nia wailed. When she was upset, she couldn’t cope with people being nice to her. Anna knew this. But still, she wasn’t going to retract the offer. She meant it.
‘Don’t come,’ Nia said through sobs. ‘But thank you for offering to come. And stop being so nice to me, you bitch.’
Anna laughed, and it made her realise that she was close to tears herself. On that manic knifepoint where you’re a second away from all the emotions.
‘Nia, I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding. Jamie adores you.’
‘How do you know?’
How did she know? It was a feeling, more than anything.She’d only seen them together on that trip back to London just after Cara was born, but it had just been so clear. That was what had made it easy to push the James fantasy to the back of her mind. Here he was, this man she thought might have been perfect for her, so clearly perfect for her best friend.
‘I just know,’ she said. ‘I could tell when I was there, and I can tell when you talk about him. I mean, isn’t this the first argument you’ve had?’
Nia was quiet. ‘Pretty much.’
‘Has he really left?’ Anna said it quietly, scared to set Nia off again.
‘He’s gone to a friend’s for a couple of nights. He said he needed some time.’
‘Because you didn’t trust him?’
‘Yes.’
