‘Okay. I’ll bring food. See you at about seven or so.’
Anna slipped the phone back into her pocket and they set off walking again without a word. They were heading for home now.
‘What do you have planned for the rest of the afternoon?’ Steve asked.
‘I’m not sure. We might play in the garden.’
Steve nodded. ‘I love June, when the summer is ahead and it’s starting to warm up.’
Anna felt something tugging at her. ‘What’s the date?’
‘Fifth, I think. Why?’
Anna shook her head. ‘It’s my anniversary,’ she said. ‘I’d forgotten.’
Nia turned up with a bottle of wine, a bunch of bright tulips and a bag of Chinese takeaway. Anna had just got Thomas off to sleep and knew that, if she was lucky, she might have four or fivehours before he woke again. Sometimes, she’d go straight to bed after putting him down, knowing that she’d be up feeding him in the night and wanting to get some rest while she could, but tonight she couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do than see Nia.
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘For knowing.’
They were in the kitchen and Anna was opening the bottle and getting glasses and plates while Nia cut the stems of the flowers and filled a vase with water.
‘Knowing what?’
‘That I needed you.’
‘Oh, that.’
Nia carried prawn crackers and fried rice over to the table. Anna brought the rest of the food: duck in plum sauce for her, beef and mushrooms for Nia. Anna thought about what she would have eaten if Nia hadn’t come. Probably toast or a bowl of cereal. There was never any time to make something proper. Never any time to take care of herself.
‘So what’s happening?’ Nia asked once they were sitting down, facing one another.
‘I just feel really lost,’ Anna said. ‘It’s so hard to explain. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I feel like I’m getting it all wrong.’
‘With Thomas?’
‘Yes. And with me. Edward wants me to stay at home now, like a 1950s housewife…’
Nia snorted.
‘And it’s not what I want. But I feel guilty for that. And I just feel like my whole life is about him now, and I’ve lost sight of me. But is that selfish? Don’t all mums do this without complaining?’
Nia held up both hands. ‘That’s a lot of stuff,’ she said. ‘Firstly, going back to work, if that’s what you want to do, is absolutely fine. Thomas will benefit from being with other babies, I’m sure. Plus, when he’s a bit older, he’ll see that this is how the world works. Men and women bringing home the money, sharing the load. It’ll be good for him. Then maybe when he’s an adult, he won’t have quite such dated views as his father.’
Anna was never sure whether Nia really liked Edward. Nia often mentioned how attractive he was, and she wondered, now, whether that was a cover, because she didn’t really have anything else nice to say about him. It hurt, that worry. Like everyone, she wanted the different people in her life to like one another.
‘Secondly, I bet it’s really common to feel the way you do. Your whole life has changed and you’re having to put Thomas’s needs before your own and you’re alone with him all day every day and he doesn’t even speak! So I think you’re probably fine, but I also think you should go to see your GP in case you have post-natal depression. My sister had it, and none of us knew, and I felt awful afterwards.’
Anna hadn’t considered this. Could there be a chemical, medical reason for the way she felt? She thought about all the crying she did, in the shower, into her pillow, sometimes when she had Thomas in the sling and was out walking. Maybe it was more than just a really tough period of adjustment. She smiled at Nia, grateful.
‘Thank you,’ she said again.
‘What for?’
‘Just… everything.’
Nia put down her fork. ‘Listen, Anna, whatever this is, whatever you’re going through, we’ll sort it out, okay?’
‘Okay,’ Anna said.
