Pee-Pee nods. “Exactly. Friendship isn’t about obligation. If you’re doing something because you genuinely want to—not because you’re afraid of letting him down—then you’re still making choices for yourself.”
I let out a slow breath. “Okay. That makes sense.”
Pee-Pee smiles but then studies me for a moment before asking, “Can I ask you something?”
I lift a brow. “Have you ever stopped yourself before?”
She smirks. “Fair point. But seriously—why do you even think you might be interested in him?”
I blink. “What?”
She shrugs. “You’re acting like you need to keep your distance to avoid something. But if he’s really just a friend, why does that even cross your mind?”
I hesitate.
Because, well… huh.
“I don’t know,” I admit slowly. “I guess… maybe because it would be easy? He’s nice. I like spending time with him. He makes me laugh. I can be myself with him.” I wave a hand. “But none of that means I actually like him like that.”
Pee-Pee nods. “Then maybe the real question is: Are you afraid of falling into something you don’t want, or are you afraid of wanting it?”
I scowl. “I’m starting to regret ever talking to you.”
She grins. “I know. But you keep doing it anyway.”
I groan, flopping back against the sofa again. “Ugh. Why do you always make so much sense?”
Pee-Pee smirks. “It’s a gift.”
To be honest, Pee-Pee has been a life saver after the divorce from Barry… Baz, as he likes to be called. Knobhead.
My brother put me onto Phyllis. She helped his husband Henry come out when he was at SOAS, back when he was still trying to date women and convince everyone he was just really into existentialism. Thomas and I aren’t close, not really, but when he found out Barry had been cheating—after everything, after the appointments and the testsand me still trying to hope for some sort of miracle—he went all big brother and was ready to drive down from Birmingham and knock some sense into him. Said it didn’t matter if we hadn’t spoken properly in ages, Barry needed a reality check. He is in the gym five days a week and looks like he could bench press a hatchback. Barry wouldn’t have stood a chance. It took me and Henry to convince him that the knobhead wasn’t worth it.
I roll my eyes at Phyllis but smile at the thought of my brother going after Baz. “Alright, fine. Maybe I’ll stop actively dodging him.”
Pee-Pee’s eyes twinkle. “How generous of you.”
I snort. “Yeah, yeah. Just don’t say ‘I told you so’ if it backfires.”
She grins. “I would never.”
I squint at her. “Lies.”
Pee-Pee just chuckles, and for the first time in days, I feel like I might have a handle on this.
As I push open the door to the coffee shop, the bell overhead gives a half-hearted jingle, like it’s too tired to fully commit this late in the day. The place is mostly dark, save for the warm glow of the counter lights, and behind them, Theo is wiping down the espresso machine with the kind of focus usually reserved for brain surgery.
“We are closing,” he says without looking up.
“I think I’ll survive.”
He glances at me then, his mouth curving into an easy grin. “I don’t know. I’ve seen you uncaffeinated. It’s not pretty.”
I gasp in mock offense. “I’ll have you know, I am a delight at all hours.”
Theo hums like he’s considering it. “Hmm. Jury’s still out.”
I make a face at him, sticking out my tongue like a mature adult.
