I blew my nose, taking some deep, scratchy breaths,letting air file out of pursed lips. Why did I feel so emotional at the mention of Gabriele’s name? Sure, it was horribly sad what he was going through, but it wasn’t like I’d known his dad. It wasn’t the kind of thing that would usually reduce me to tears.
‘Talk to us, Li,’ said Nolo, her voice softening into a tone I’d literally never heard her use before.
Lulled into a sense of being able to lean on someone in my family for support, I thought I may as well tell them everything.
‘Gabriele and I have become… close,’ I said.
‘You’ve shagged him. I knew it,’ said Sedi, triumphantly.
‘Really?’ said Nolo. ‘How did you know?’ she asked Sedi.
‘Well, have you seen him? He’s gorgeous. It was obvious. Plus, the press can’t stop raving about the chemistry they have on stage. You can’t fabricate that stuff, not when it’s powerful enough to translate to seasoned audience members and jaded reviewers.’
‘Good point,’ said Nolo.
‘How close are we talking?’ asked Sedi, who was simultaneously plaiting her hair, so that eventually it would hang in two cute braids on either side of her head.
‘Nothing serious,’ I said, although itfeltserious, but I thought that said more about me than the reality of the situation. ‘I’ve spent a few nights in his hotel room, we’ve been on a sort-of date in Lisbon, and yes, we’ve slept together and it was… kind of out of this world.’
Nolo gasped, as if she’d never considered that I might be capable of having wild, passionate sex withanyone.
‘I’m insanely jealous,’ she said.
‘He does look like he’d be amazing in bed,’ reasoned Sedi.
‘So how did it happen?’ asked Nolo. ‘Was it one night after rehearsals?’
‘Oh my God!’ said Sedi, suddenly remembering something. ‘He was here that night, wasn’t he? When I turned up late, banging on the door, a bit drunk. I knew something was off! Your face was all flushed and the mirror was steamed up.’
‘Hmmm,’ I said. ‘That was kind of the beginning of it. Although not quite. It started when I was nineteen. At the World Championships. Remember “G”?’
Nolo’s mouth dropped open and I filled them in on everything that had happened since. On how Gabriele had looked utterly shocked and pissed off when he saw me walk into the audition room all those years later. How it had taken ages for the ice to melt between us, for us to even talk about what had happened before.
‘You need to be more open, Li,’ said Sedi. ‘We had no idea any of this was going on. You’re so closed off all the time!’
‘Good to know what you really think of me,’ I said, bristling.
I was only closed off because I didn’t think either of them were interested in hearing about my problems. They rarely asked me what was going on in my life because they werefar too busy talking about theirs. Sedi went through guys faster than the speed of light, and Nolo always seemed to have men fawning over her, hanging off her every word, but it was like she thought she was too good for any of them. I’d always felt less-than in comparison – I was rarely asked out, and although I’d enjoyed spending time with Jack, it had been painfully obvious that it wasn’t likely to go anywhere.
‘But that still doesn’t explain why you’re crying,’ said Sedi, narrowing her eyes at me. ‘Are you in love with him or something?’
I swallowed hard, still feeling choked up. It must be some kind of misplaced empathy for Gabriele, I supposed, but I wasn’t going to be much help to him if I turned into a blubbering wreck every time I set eyes on his beautiful, mournful face.
‘I don’t know,’ I squeaked.
‘You are, and you have to tell him!’ shrieked Nolo. ‘Enough of this pretending not to like each other. You’re going to have to put yourself out there and explain how you feel, otherwise you’re risking losing him all over again.’
‘How can I? His dad’s just died! He’s hardly going to be up for embarking on some hot new romance, is he?’
That shut them up.
‘Fair enough, you might want to give him a bit of time to deal with that,’ admitted Sedi.
‘I do talk sense sometimes, you know,’ I said.
‘The fact that you’re extremely sensible has never been in doubt,’ said Nolo.
Perhaps it was that which gave me the strength to say what I said next; the idea that I had a reputation for being closed off and sensible. Who wanted that? It wasn’t exactly sexy, was it? And sure, I might be both of those things – at times – but it wasn’t all that I was.
