‘They’d been planning to open the studio for a couple of years and the original idea was that all of us would run it together. Take turns, do a few lessons each. My mother was the big-name pull and she wanted to be very present initially. But then she started getting more and more opportunities – she was a judge on a big TV show in South Africa, then she and my dad ran the entertainment on oneof the big cruise ships, bringing in dancers, choreographing onboard shows, that kind of thing. They pretty quickly realized that opening a studio on top of that had been somewhat ambitious of them.’
Our coffees were delivered to the table, large ceramic mugs topped with creamy froth and a leaf carved into each fluffy topping.
‘This looks delicious,’ I said.
Lira dipped her finger in the froth and licked it, groaning with delight. I dug my fingernails into my thigh, wondering how this innocent act had suddenly made me feel like doing a whole host of decidedlylessinnocent things to her. I cleared my throat, trying to focus. It was good to talk. And it did not always have to lead to sex; there were other ways to connect with people. Or, at least, this was how I felt when I was with Lira.
‘Continue,’ I said. ‘The studio?’
‘Ah,’ she said. ‘So one night, when I’d just turned nineteen, my parents sat me down and told me that they would like me to help them with the business full-time. They said that maybe I wasn’t cut out for an uncertain career like dance, that I’d had my time competing – to be fair, they didn’t know my partner Tomas and I were about towinthe World Championships. They told me that a dance career was tough; that I was too level-headed for it and had skills that could be better utilized helping the family business grow. Apparently, they’d noticed how patient and kind I was on the odd occasion they’d evenseenme teach a routineto somebody, and suggested that, once the championships were over, I should come straight back to Castlebury and take over the management of James Jive.’
‘What?’ I said, baffled. ‘Even though they knew how talented you were?’
‘I suppose so, yes.’
‘What did you say? You told them no,si? Surely, Lira.’
She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. ‘I’d always had this need to please my parents. In a busy house like ours, with two very loud and demanding sisters, it felt like the only way I could be noticed. By complying and never getting into trouble. I was my parents’ favourite and I felt compelled to keep it that way. I asked them whether I could do the two things at the same time – perhaps as the business grew we could employ more staff and then I’d have some time to go off and do other things. Dance myself. Perhaps my sisters could help once they got a bit older – they were only sixteen and fourteen at that point.’
‘You suggested a compromise,’ I said. Although it was a big one, one I would never have agreed to if my parents had asked whenIwas just nineteen. ‘Did they support this idea?’
‘Half-heartedly. But then, whenever I did ask for time off or suggested we employ another teacher, they’d brush me away, say we’d talk about it later. Which, of course, we never did.’
I nodded, trying to understand. Why hadn’t she put up more of a fight?
‘And this happened when you were nineteen. Was that…?’
‘When we met in Paris? Yes.’
I let this sink in. That had been her last competition. The end of her dancing career, until Carlos found her and gave her another chance at the thing she had wanted for herself all along.
What a waste of talent.
I felt angry with her parents. I supposed they must have had their reasons, but to me, as an outsider, it seemed that they were thinking only of themselves and not what was best for their eldest daughter. Parents were supposed to give things up for their children, weren’t they, not the other way around?
‘That Argentine tango we danced in the hotel?’ she said. ‘That was my last dance with a professional partner. Until now, obviously.’
It had felt as important to her as it had to me, then. More so, even. I reached across the table and took her hand. If I had thought it through, I might not have done it, but I had reached for it without thinking and I did not regret it. She squeezed my hand back.
‘Why did you leave that night?’ I asked, the question that I had been dying to ask since she had walked into Pineapple Studios a few weeks before. Why had she run away?
‘I had a flight to catch,’ she said.
‘And you could not have told me?’
She removed her hand from mine, sitting back in her seat, the connection we had had a second ago gone completely. It was my fault, perhaps, but I needed to know thetruth. I needed some closure because I had been going over it in my head ever since and it still never made any sense.
‘That evening marked the end of my old life and the beginning of my new one. And that night with you was the most spectacular ending. But everything was about to change forever, and I knew you couldn’t be part of that, that you wouldn’t want to be. You belonged in the world of dance and hotels in Paris and elite competitions. You had a bright future ahead of you. That part of my life was over – I knew we’d have nothing in common once I was back in Castlebury working as a dance teacher.’
‘How do you know?’ I said. ‘You never gave me the chance to tell you how I felt. What I wanted.’
‘If that night meant so much to you, why didn’t you try to find me?’ she asked, her eyes flashing with indignation.
‘I did not know anything about you, other than your name! And even that wasn’t right, was it,Li?’
‘I’m sure you could have asked around,’ she said.
She was right. And, of course, it had crossed my mind.
