Sometimes, I was terrified to close my eyes, scared to relive memories of her, memories I would chase, only for them to disappear just as I got close enough to grab them. I dried my hair, watching my reflection in the mirror, looking for the little girl I used to be.
Ten minutes later, I picked up Mom’s perfume bottle. It washalf full, and I absolutely feared the day it would run out because, of course, this scent had to be discontinued.
I sprayed one squirt on my wrist and inhaled the sweet, rich aroma, instantly at peace.
“I miss you, Mom,” I whispered, closing my eyes and longing to feel her arms wrap around me, to ease the gaping hole in my chest that seemed to only get bigger every year. Grief was always hard to cope with, but on anniversaries, it was even harder.
I still couldn’t believe I had forgotten it this morning. Griffin had the habit of making me forget everything. It used to be one of the things I loved most about him as a kid.
He always made me forget the bad moments, mostly because he was always making me laugh.
I sippedon the light pink Moscato Dustin had ordered for us to share. He toasted to Mom like he actually cared while I was breaking inside. This was the last place I wanted to be tonight.The fucking last.
“You and Griffin, huh?” He wiggled his brows, and I fought the deep urge to throw my very sweet wine into his face and walk out. He’d never been part of my life, and now he wanted to act like he knew everything about Griff and me. It was infuriating.
“Why are you here, Dustin?”
He cleared his throat and looked down at his menu before looking at me and holding my gaze.
“To celebrate Mom.”
“Bullshit.”
“I regret what I did, Tate. I regret not visiting and being there for you and her. I wanted to do this with you.”
“It doesn’t make up for it, Dustin! You packed up your things and left that house like it was beneath you. She was working double shifts to keep a roof over our heads. She cried for days after you left. She would walk into your barren room, sit on the bed, and sob. And guess who was there to pick up the pieces? And you know what? I was just a kid. A freaking kid, Dustin.”
“Tate, please keep your voice down.” I looked around, noticing a few people looking over at our table. My cheeks instantly heated in embarrassment, but I was so mad, so angry at Dustin, so infuriated with Dad, at the whole fucking situation.
“No, you need to hear this, and I don’t care if the whole restaurant hears with you. Dad cheated on Mom for years. Cheated on her. Do you know what that does to a person? It leaves them feeling absolutely fucking worthless. He did that to our mother. He broke her, and then he left, right before my birthday. He never called, never sent a gift, nothing, Dustin! Years passed and nothing! Then you leave, just like him. You don’t call. You don’t visit. You just disappear.” My heart is racing.
My hands tremble with the rage I can barely keep contained. Mom deserved so much better.
I deserved so much better.
“Then she killed herself. She…she…she took her own life because of how much pain she…she…was in.” Tears clouded my vision, and I furiously blinked, needing to stay strong even though my voice shook. I choked on the words as I tried to get out every little thought I’d ever kept quiet.
“Tate.” Dustin reached for me, but I scooted back, my chair scraping loudly against the floor.
“You came here for a stupid dinner to celebrate her life? What is there to fucking celebrate? She’s gone, Dustin, and she was fucking miserable when she was alive. You might haveregrets, but too little too fucking late. She’s gone, and I’ve been alone since the day she died, but no one seems to care about me. No, it’s all about Dad, and how he’s sick. Do you think I actually care if he’s sick? Do you think, on the day that my mother died, I want to hear about his illness? Have you lost your fucking mind, Dustin?”
I stood on shaky legs, downed the last of my wine, and then grabbed my bag and walked out of the stupid restaurant where every single pair of eyes was on me. My heels clicked obnoxiously against the fancy tiles, and I wished I could yank them off and run out of the room, but a lady never breaks in front of people. Mom had drummed that one into my head more times than I could count.
So I sat on the curb outside the fancy restaurant that Mom would have hated. And I fell apart. Broken sobs escaped my parted lips as silent screams ripped from my chest. “No, no, no.” The words, so soft, fell from my lips as I wrapped my arms around my trembling body, shaking with the sobs. Mom’s perfume, which used to be a soothing scent, only acted as a reminder that she was gone and intensified the pain.
I could sense Dustin behind me. It took him a second before he wrapped his arms around me and held me to his chest. No whispered words of comfort, just his arms like steel bands around my body that shook so violently I was sure it couldn’t get uglier than this.
Dustin took me home,and we ate leftover pizza from the night before. He didn’t talk. We moved in silence, and it was soothing to my aching soul in the best kind of way.
Tonight had been healing for me. I had finally found the courage to tell him everything.
“Dad has prostate cancer,” Dustin blurted out as he flicked the TV on, and the local news channel started up.
My eyes darted from the screen to him and then back as I noticed the headline.
Local Hero Pro Baseball Star Griffin Silver Saves Childhood Friend in Grocery Store Robbery.
Footage of the grocery store from the other night with police tape and sirens in the background ran, and then Griffin’s beautiful face was on the corner of the screen.
