“This… exterior you put on. You seem likable, approachable even, but really you crave control. Don’t you? A carpenter chipping away at a piece of wood until it looks exactly how you want it, cutting nature into any image you choose.”
He gave her a look. She was being poetic again. But it was the truth.
“I am no piece of wood,” she stated. “I will not be chipped or cut or shaped. If you expect me to be we might as well agree to end the arrangement before it’s even begun.”
“It’s not about control,” he said.
“Of course, it is,” she disagreed, keeping her tone level.
He shook his head, replying, “It’s not about telling the people what to do. It’s about putting measures in place to gain a better overall understanding of how best to run things. For the sake of everyone. I may not have wanted to be a king, but I do know I want to be a good king, once I have the crown.”
“And your father? What does he think of this?”
“It’s not his concern,” Ewan said, conviction in his voice.
If there was one skill she has possessed since she was young, it was the skill of reading between the lines. Of course, it was hit and miss at times, especially when her own insecurities came into play. But in that moment, she felt she saw the future king in him as clear as day. She furrowed her brow again.
Could it be that something so base was his motivation? Did he want control of his kingdom out of fear? Had he truly been this messed up by the betrayal he’d suffered?
It did clarify to her why he was so willing to take her as his mate. Carrying around fear such as this would mean that he would not wish her in his bed, possibly at all. They would not sleep next to one another because he would never let his guard down far enough for sleep to take him while another was in the room with him.
They would end up coupling in front of the castle healer, she had little doubt.
And if he couldn’t see his own frame of mind for what it was, then she had found at least one weakness, because fear such as this would make him look in the wrong places for the solutions to the wrong problems.
She knew because she had made that mistake many times in her life.
Perhaps there would be no love here, but for the first time in a year, she began to feel as though she wasn’t simply drifting. Because she could be an anchor. One that might keep him from losing himself in the swell of this fear. Direct his gaze so that he looked in the right places for the solutions to the problems at hand, rather than ones he made up in his head. Ones that might make him feel a need to close borders and anger his people.
He needed her. She could be of use. And if she was, then that usefulness could make him see her as well. Appreciation was as good as love. And if the king saw how well she was supporting his son, then surely, he would create a shield between her and her father as much as the mating bond itself would.
Yes, this was the way forward. But she would have to be smart about it. Ewan would not take her advice when he saw no reason to trust in her intentions. She would have to stay the course, remain steady and true, and prove herself trustworthy.
They had more in common than she would have thought.
She had been relieved when she was sent here. She had thought that, perhaps, she would be able to sleep again. Not wake at every new sound. Even the gust of wind against her window had startled her awake. But Rogoros had so far provided no relief and the only reason for Ewan sleeping soundly the night prior was because he thought himself in control. And that was a dangerous state of mind to be in when one wasn’t.
Suddenly she felt she wanted nothing more than to have him look at her with understanding, with forgiveness.
She approached him with that thought in her mind, his gaze meeting hers quizzically. “What are your flaws, prince?” she asked.
He smiled, growing self-conscious. “I’m sure they are numerous, lady,” he replied.
“I’m told I have a tendency to be impatient,” she said. “Throughout my life I’ll admit that I’ve had little time for anything or anyone who are not of immediate consequence to me. I seldom looked a servant in the eye, even those who used to dress me. I would show kindness. I have kindness. But in moments when it was expected of me. It was not all pretend, but… I tend to feel things only as necessary. My compassion can be fleeting if my patience is wearing thin.”
“That does sound like a flaw,” he conceded.
“It is also what made it possible for me to go along with what I was being instructed to do,” she said. “If we are to go ahead with the arrangement, I would like you to know this about me. As you would have me know I have nothing to fear within the borders of your kingdom. Now, tell me a flaw of yours.”
“Perhaps I have none,” he smiled, making her return it in spite of herself.
He looked stumped, as though the sight of her show of mirth had taken him so off guard that all thought had left his head. Her hearts fluttered with that abysmal hope, but this time she did not shush them.
“I have a very hard time changing my mind,” he said. “Once I’ve formed an opinion it will typically stay that way.”
No wonder Leon’s betrayal had been a smack in the face.
“I won’t try to change your mind,” she lied, hoping he couldn’t hear it in her voice.
