Prologue.
“Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday to you…Happy birthday, dear Teddy. Happy birthday to you!”
Carmen’s voice came through my phone, scratchy over the speaker but still somehow warm enough to make my chest ache. I stared down at the cake the hotel staff had sent up at her request—chocolate, I guessed, judging by the scent.
Knowing her, she made a big deal about it needing to be vegan.
It probably tasted great, but the big silver “30” candle stuck in the middle of it?
That part just made me feel sick.
“Thank you, Sweetness,” I said, managing a tired smile.
“Blow out the candles and make a wish.”
“I wish you were here,” I said without hesitation.
She clicked her tongue. “It’s bad luck to say your wish out loud, y’know.”
“I don’t care. I miss you.”
“I know, baby.” Her voice softened with a sigh. “I miss you, too. Now blow out the damn candles.”
I did as she said with a grin, though it felt hollow without her here to tease me about being so close to fifty.
I sighed. “I can’t believe I’m thirty with nothing to show for it.”
With a cocked eyebrow, she gave me that look, and even through FaceTime, I felt it.
“You’re right. Just a successful business, loyal friends, and a loving girlfriend. Poor Theodore. You’ve practically become a cautionary tale.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
She tilted her head, unconvinced. “Then what did you mean?”
“I mean… I thought I’d be further by now. I thought we’d be further. Married, maybe. Or with a kid. Or at least living on the same damn continent.” I glanced away, jaw tight. “Jayda and Tyler live together. Darwin says he and Izzy are finally planning the wedding. Their kid’s almost three.”
“I know.”
“We’ve been together longer than Jayda and Tyler,” I stated with frustration. “Fuck, Carmen, our kid would’ve been—”
The words stuck in my throat, and I swallowed them back. Her face faltered for just a second, then she masked it like she always does.
“I know,” she said again.
“I’m sorry.” The guilt hit fast, and I leaned forward, elbows on my knees. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m so sorry, Sweetness. I didn’t mean anything by it. I swear.”
She didn’t say anything right away. She just stared at me through the screen, lips pressed together.
“I know it’s frustrating,” she finally whispered. “But we’ll get there soon. I promise.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, forcing it. “Yeah. I know.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m good.” I ran my hand down my face. “Sorry, I even brought it up. I didn’t mean to kill the mood.”
I motioned to the cake, trying to salvage the moment. “I love that you did this. Really. Thank you, my love.”
