I loved him more than was sensible or safe.
“Just drive.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
june
My head pounded,and my eyes ached, but I managed to lay out the last of the decorations in the Methodist church. I’d turned the whole sanctuary into a romantic librarian’s dream come true, down to the last artfully arranged book.
I scurried around the building in my regular clothes and my hair pulled into a loose ponytail, using up precious preparation minutes. Eden and the other bridesmaids were already tucked away upstairs in the bridal ready-room, doing each other’s hair and makeup. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect for the ceremony before I got myself ready, but that was only part of what kept me nudging paper roses and adjusting banners.
My thoughts were stuck on repeat, memories from last night burned on my mind without mercy. Ty’s tenderOh, sweetheartwhen he sought me out, followed by the image of him packing all his feelings away right when I’d needed to hear them most. A glimpse of all I’d hoped for, and then the brutal reality of what was.
This wedding was going to be so much worse than it would have been if I had just left well enough alone. I’d gone out to Ty’s ranch hoping for a semblance of friendship, however strained. Now I knew without a doubt I loved him, and he didn’t feel the same. Yeah, that wouldn’t be awkward at all.
He feltsomethingfor me, I was sure of it. But whatever he felt, it wasn’t enough for him to break his silence. That reminder made me stand a little taller as I did my final walk-through of the church. I deserved someone who was all in. If Ty couldn’t be that, then I would just have to move on. How, exactly, I couldn’t imagine, but I would figure it out eventually.
Upstairs, the bridesmaids jockeyed around dueling vanities that stood at either end of the bridal room, putting final touches on their makeup and hairdos. At least three floral perfumes wafted around in the air, threatening an immediate headache. But when Eden turned from the full-length mirror, I forgot all my selfish troubles.
In full Greek goddess mode, she looked even more radiant than she had in Brides Galore. Her blond hair was swept up into a complicated bun, with delicate ringlets falling on either side of her face, her grin bigger than I had ever seen it. The woman positively sparkled with joy.
“You look gorgeous.” I wrapped her in a quick embrace, careful not to crease her dress. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Don’t cry or you’ll make me cry, and I already have my makeup on.”
“You’re going to cry through the whole ceremony anyway,” Harper said, dabbing a tissue under one eye.
“Shush.” Eden jabbed a finger in her sister’s direction. “Just let me get through the pictures. My face can fall apart after.”
“Any bets on how hard Booker blubbers through his vows?” Chloe asked.
Eden seemed delighted by the thought. “He’s going to cry so hard.”
“That man loves you more than he loves himself.”
I hurried into my blush rose bridesmaid dress and sat still while Eliza did my makeup and curled my hair into soft waves that fell loose over my shoulders. I tried to close off my mind and focus on the wedding, but Ty just couldn’t stay out of my thoughts. Soon enough, I would see him again, and I wasn’t sure yet what I should say when I did.
I needed to stop letting my heart lead me around by the nose. I needed to be logical for a change. The most logical thing would be to do as I had always planned: Play nice through the wedding and reception, smile in an approximation of happiness, and get the hell out of there. Robots didn’t cry over broken hearts. Lucky bastards.
The wedding coordinator summoned us to the hallway, and we lined up in order as we waited for our cues to go downstairs and walk down the aisle. I had never been particularly anxious during the other weddings I’d participated in, just giddy for my friends and grateful for the excuse to wear a fancy dress. Today, nerves ate up my insides like they were looking for some of Beverly Robinson’s fried chicken.
One by one, my cousins and Chloe filed down and away until only Eden and I stood on the stairs. I turned to her and flashed a huge grin. She grinned back, her eyes already full of tears. So much for her grand plans of not crying until after the photos.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you, too.”
My cue came, and I walked downstairs and into the sanctuary on auto-pilot, focusing on taking slow, reasonable steps. My nerves eased as I passed friends and family, and my fears of having to fake smiles disappeared entirely when I saw my pop, Jed, and Wade. Their faces propped up my heart, keeping me afloat, and I had to stifle a laugh at Jed’s cheeky wink.
Marilyn sat at Pop’s side, beaming at me. Seeing them together was still jarring, but the smile on his face eased away whatever bitterness I’d harbored about their relationship. My pop’s happiness meant more than anything else.
Just before I climbed the steps at the front of the church, I made the mistake of looking up at the waiting line of men. Booker’s huge smile showed his unquenchable joy on his wedding day, as if he’d been granted three wishes and every one of them wasmarry Eden. As predicted, tears already streaked his cheeks, and he hadn’t even caught a glimpse of her yet. I was dimly aware of the other groomsmen in line, but Ty’s expression made my breath catch. Standing at the front of the church in his perfectly tailored gray suit, he watched me with such intensity, I could almost believe he was trying to talk to me without words.
Well, that would make sense, since he had used as few words as possible with me for weeks now.
I took my place next to Chloe, the wedding march started, and everyone stood. My nephew, Dylan, and one of Booker’s little cousins trotted up to the front of the church, Dylan going at a fast clip to get his job over and done with, the little girl relishing her time in the spotlight. She spread petals one by one until the whole church rumbled in laughter at how seriously she took her role.
When the dedicated flower girl finally reached her mother and was herded off to the side, Eden appeared on Uncle Joel’s arm. Everyone craned their necks and whipped out handkerchiefs, but Eden and Booker might as well have been alone. Watching them watch each other like no one else existed pinched at my heart as much as it warmed it. Crazy to want this moment for Ty and me, absolutely crazy—but that didn’t stop the wanting.
