Great. You couldn’t find a better word?
Over his shoulder, Shaw’s hulking form exited the changing room and was walking toward us. His shy smile caught me for a moment, and my stomach sank with a strange emotion causing me to hesitate. What was I doing? I wasn’t with Shaw. If anything, I needed to start to lay down some boundaries for myself. He wasn’t sticking around. He was getting better, and then he’d be gone.
I needed to date. I needed to have other things—and other men—to occupy my thoughts.
“How about I call you?” Mitch said.
“Yes. Great.” I grabbed a pen and a business card off the front desk and jotted my name and number down. Our fingers touched while I handed him the card, and he held onto it for just a second as he stared at me.
“I’ll call you.”
I nodded. Shaw’s approach was coming fast, and I didn’t want them to meet. Not like this. Why did it feel like cheating, like I was stepping out on Shaw? It made no sense, but I wanted to keep those two worlds separate. I didn’t need Shaw to know about my dating life—or that I was starting to get one.
“Hey, ready to go?” he said, shifting his bag on his shoulder.
“Yes.” I started digging through my purse just to kill time until Mitch was in his car.
“How about stopping at the café for some coffee?” Shaw said.
“Great.” I hadn’t shaken off the tendency to speak in monosyllabic responses yet. As we walked out, Shaw’s hand went to my lower back, escorting me through the door.
My enthusiasm about Mitch and our date slipped. Shaw’s touch through my shirt affected me more than Mitch’s brief touch of my hand.
Dwelling on the differences between the men wasn’t very productive, and I forced myself to step away from Shaw the minute we were outside, making a beeline for the car.
Dating other people and opening myself to the possibility of being attracted to other, more available, men was a challenge I could no longer ignore—even though I wanted to.
Later that morning, I went to meet Aliya and Grace for a coffee while, against my better judgment, Shaw had decided to hang with Aaron and the boys at the park and play a game of two-hand touch.
It was a cool fall day, and I stepped into the cafe to find my friends in the corner, already hovering over their large drinks. Even on the weekend, Aliya was perfectly put together in a pair of yoga pants that probably cost more than my entire ensemble, with boots and a fashionable sweater. Grace wore jeans, a colorful sweater, and no-nonsense work boots with an adorable bright knit hat pulled over her curly hair. I went to the counter, got my chai latte, and made my way to the saved seat between them.
“How is it that you live in town now, and I still barely see you?” Aliya tore right into me.
“You have my address,” I shot back. “You can come by anytime.” I took a sip of my delicious drink.
“I wouldn’t want to interrupt any ‘bonding’ that was happening.” She waggled her eyebrows.
Grace’s choking sound distracted me, stopping me from leaning over and smacking my friend upside her perfectly styled ponytail. “Stop. You know it’s not like that.”
Her devilish smile wasn’t hidden behind that ginormous coffee cup she held against her lips. “It could be,” she purred.
I glared at her. “He has a girlfriend.”
Both Grace and Aliya gave each other that look. The look two friends gave each other when they were silently communicating about something they had already discussed.
“What?” Was this how this coffee date was going to go, starting in on me about Shaw? I wanted to talk about him but not like this. I wanted their advice on how to help him.
I focused on Grace. I knew she was the weak link. “Why are you looking at each other that way?”
She stared down at her coffee cup, turning it in circles, and said softly, “Well, honey, I just find your response interesting.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms over my chest. “Really? Why?”
“Because when you defended the reason why you aren’t…bonding with Shaw, you said it was because he had a girlfriend. Not because you two weren’t like that. Not because you two are only friends. Not because you could never be like that with?—”
I held up my hand. Okay, I saw her point. “Yes, those are all reasons too.”
“But they weren’t the reasons you said. Back when we all were younger, those had been the reasons you used to give when people teased the two of you about the time you spent together—when people assumed you were a couple. But not anymore, it seems. You said, ‘He has a girlfriend.’ It makes it seem as if you thought about it, but Rachel?—”
