What the actual fuck.
I’ve got no right to feel the burn of that, no claim or stake, I know that, but it smolders away, so fucking deep I feel like it’s melting something inside me. Delacroix is out here, loud and unashamed, wearing his heart on his sleeve, ready to throw punches, ready to storm through anyone who stands in his way. He’s showing up for her, no questions, no apologies, and I’m standing outside after watching her light up the world, pretending I’m not desperate to be a part of it, and I haven’t wanted to step into that fire since the second she kissed me.
I’m the coward.
I’m the one too afraid to want her out loud.
Delacroix might not even know who she really is, but it doesn’t fucking matter. He’s fighting for her, and I’m standing on the sidelines, smothering my want with worry, and watching someone else take up the space I gave away.
God, it hurts worse than I ever imagined it could.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Luc
The trophy’s corner digs into my ribs as I shift on my feet in front of the team bus, like it knows I didn’t earn it, and I only got it becausePetitasked me to.
Of course, I did it for him. I took the stupid ceremony, the photos, the champagne spray, and let the cameras catch my grin while my chest was still tight with worry. My head is still in that bathroom, in the blood on his legs, in the way I almost broke down the goddamn door trying to get in.
I didn’t want to hurt a legend, didn’t want to punch his cousin, butfuck,I would’ve. IfPetithad so much as whispered that he wanted me with him and that asshole hadn’t moved, I would’ve laid him out right there.
It doesn’t even surprise me that I’d throw away every ounce of good PR, every carefully manicured line of charm, and all my good intentions for him. I’m a fucking goner.
Love-sick puppy indeed.
I didn’t even go out after the race. Didn’t want the club, or the girls, or the noise. First timeever.
Instead, I ended up on the treadmill at midnight, burning energy I didn’t have because my brain wouldn’tshut up, and sleep wasn’t an option. It’s like clubbing has been replaced by cardio. Which is cruel because theonlycardio I actually want to be doing isn’t mine to touch yet.
Otis is vibrating beside me like a Chihuahua on espresso, a backpack slung over one shoulder, packed to the brim with snacks, water bottles, and enough food to get us through a famine. Knowing Otis, half of it’s probably for Toulouse.
Speaking of, my little guy is curled up, dead asleep in the hood of my hoodie, tiny nose twitching now and then, probably dreaming about cheese or world domination.
I grip the base of the trophy harder, thumb rubbing over the engraved letters ofPetit’s name, like I can conjure him. It’s been a full day, and still, no message, no explanation. Just Piper’s quiet “He’s fine” yesterday before she ducked into her hotel room for the night.
But that’s not fucking enough, not when we’re about to sit in a bus for the next eight and a half hours, and I’m supposed to kick back, relax, and pretend everything is good. I hate this part of the season, these stretches of road that feel too long, too empty, even though this time they’re taking mehome.
Pulling out my phone, my thumb hovers for a second before I text the only person who can usually stitch me back together when I’m unraveling.
Hey, Maman, I’m home soon.
Her reply comes fast, as always.
Maman
Can’t wait to see you! Je t’aime.
I smile and let the warmth that her message stirred up sit in my chest for half a second before I shut off the screen,ignoring the sea of unread messages. I don’t need that noise today.
As I slip my phone back into my pocket, I catch sight of Piper walking past, moving quickly, like she’s got somewhere to be.
“And where areyougoing?” I call after her, making Otis turn too.
Piper glances back, adjusting the strap of her bag higher on her shoulder. “I’m going to see if the Crews bus needs a driver.”
I blink. “What?”
She shrugs. “Dane’s still half-dead from that plague or whatever he’s got, and Al is hurting too. Someone’s gotta make sure they get to France safely, and I just saw Greer getting onto his own team bus.”
