“Delaney?” Tam waved a hand in front of my face. “Hey. You were a million miles away. Oooh! Were you thinking about tentacles?”
“What? No! Jesus. If you must know, I was thinking about…” I thrust out my chin. “Jam cupboards.”
I told myself this wasn’t a lie.
“Jam cupboards,” she repeated slowly, her brow furrowing. “What about them?”
“Well…” I felt my cheeks heat. “How they’re awesome? And special? And I’ve never had one before, but now that I do, I…” I swallowed, feeling ridiculously vulnerable. “I really love—I mean,likeit. A lot. And I might want to, um…. keep it?”
Tam’s eyes lit with understanding and excitement. “Oh, Delaney! You and Brew? That’s…”
I darted a glance around the half-full bakery and gave her a warning look.
She cleared her throat and pressed her lips together. “I mean, yes. I can definitely see the appeal of a… jam cupboard. They’re sweet, and helpful, and… sobroad.”
Remembering Tam’s comment about Brewer’s shoulders the other day, I narrowed my eyes.
“That’s kind of the problem, though. Every time I look at… my jam cupboard… I feel safe and comfortable and happy. But…” I blew out a breath. “How do I know if I’m even a jam cupboardpersonwhen I’ve lived my whole life without knowing a jam cupboard like this one existed? What if I renovate my whole life because I want to… to keep this jam cupboard and then regret it?”
“Aw, Laney?—”
“You know me, Tam. I’ve had bad luck with… cupboards in general.”
“Haven’t we all?”
“So how do I know that my feelings for my jam cupboard won’t wear off? How does someone know if they want to have a jam cupboard permanently?”
“I mean, first things first, talk to the jam cupboard—” Tam broke off, shaking her head. “What the fuck am I even saying right now?”
“Tam, please?”
“Fine, fine.” She waved a hand. “You picked this metaphor, let’s roll with it. Get on the same page as your jam cupboard, step one. And then, stop thinking so hard about what you thought your… kitchen?… would look like. Could you imagine choosing a jam-cupboard-less life? Would you be happy knowing your jam cupboard wasright there, but you never tore down the wall to find it?”
“I…” I tore my croissant into small pieces. “I’m thinking of telling Marjorie I don’t want to go to Costa Rica,” I admitted. “That maybe I don’t want to travel at all for a little while.”
Tam received this shocking revelation with a quiet nod.
“Did you hear me?” I demanded. “I said I might stop traveling.”
“I heard.” She shrugged. “When you moved here and bought a house, I figured it meant you were ready to slow down for a season.”
I blinked. “No. I hadn’t even considered that.”
“No?” She chewed her croissant. “You just moved to a small town two hours from the closest airport and bought a property that requires maintenance? You don’t think maybe you knew, subconsciously, that you needed a change?”
I frowned.
“You know, I never thought I’d be as happy as I am here,” she went on. “I made fun of Lucas for years when he suggested moving closer to his family. But from the day I arrived, this place felt right. And that wasn’tjustbecause I love Lucas, even though he was the catalyst that made me move here. It was that… I could breathe here. That my thoughts could stretch out.” She made a gesture with her hands. “That probably makes no sense.”
I considered this for a moment. “The first few months I lived here, I felt like I’d found myself on the edge of a cliff, and I was clinging on for dear life. But then, suddenly…” I shrugged.
“You needed something to help you let go, long enough for your head to catch up to your heart,” she finished. Her eyes took on a teasing glint. “A good jam cupboard will do that for you.”
“Oh my God,” I groaned. “I changed my mind. Call him Brewer.”
“But where’s the fun in that?” She nudged my foot under the table. “Though it’s nice to see you admitting that you’re falling head over heels for the guy. It’s been obvious since the camper fire incident, you know.”
“Nuh-uh,” I said like the little kid I sometimes became around my siblings. “We didn’t even like each other then. We fought all the time. He thought I was ridiculous and stubborn, and I thought he was bossy and arrogant?—”
