And while there were metric shit-tons of things we’d never discussed back in Vegas—all the tiny little details, like whether we liked orange juice or apple juice, or remembered to use the clothes hamper, or meant it when we’d saidforever—I was realizing that even after all this time, I’d still bought into the fucking romance of the thing. I’d had this idea that, despite him deciding to end us before we’d ever had a chance tobe, he’d still understood me on the most essential level, just like I’d understood him.
But he’d had a kid and hadn’t told me.
Just when I thought I’d already felt as stupid about the whole thing as it was possible to feel, I realized I’d underestimated myself.
I made a choked kind of noise—not loud but pained—and Liam turned his head in concern. His great, green eyes widened.
“Gideon,” he breathed.
“Daddy! Can I get a Christmas tree cookie?” Hazel called.
Liam’s eyes flickered in her direction, then back to me. “I—”
“Daddy?”
He pushed out a breath. “Stay here,” he instructed. He grabbed for my wrist, but stopped a second before contact, like he wasn’t sure how I’d react.
I wasn’t sure either.
“Please, Gideon. Just…onesecond, okay? I’ll berightback.”
I laughed shortly, and it sounded a little bitter even to my own ears. “I’m not the one with the habit of running away.” Though walking away, leavinghimfrustrated and disappointed, was fucking tempting.
Still, when Liam walked over to the counter, I stayed right where I was like my feet had grown roots, staring at the spot where his shoes had been.
“Who the hell is that?” Parker demanded in a hushed voice.
I shook my head.
“Gideon!” He pulled on the sleeve of my jacket. “Who?”
“Fuck.” I cleared my throat. “Did you ever have an episode of complete and total madness, Parks?”
“I guess?” His hand tightened on my coat. “Haven’t we all?”
“No,” I whispered looking up at him suddenly. “No, I don’t just mean like you had too many shots of Jägermeister in college, or you said something to your mom that you didn’t really mean, or you ran off to Arizona like a dumbass and didn’t tell your boyfriend you’d be back.”
“Hey!” Parker grumbled. “Hurtful.”
I ignored him. “I mean, have you ever had a moment when you thought… when you thought you reallyconnectedwith someone? Like… I dunno.” I shook my head in frustration. I was bleating like a broken-hearted asshole,which I was not, and yet the words kept spewing forth. “Like there’s all the shit that never communicates appropriately from your brain to your mouth when you talk tootherpeople, right? But somehow, miraculously,this one persongot you, so for half a minute you thought maybe all the things you’d believed about yourself and your ability to have a relationship were… werewrongbecause this one person, thismagical person, existed and understood you?”
Parker’s eyes were round. I’d never spoken so many words to him at once, and he probably hadn’t thought me capable of it. “I… kinda. Yeah.”
I nodded once. “Then imagine how you’d feel if the person you felt that way about justleftyou. Just walked away without a single word, like you’d gotten the whole thing wrong. Like that connection had never existed at all.”
Parker scratched his head and the stupid Santa hat shifted back on his blond hair, making him look like a very demented elf. “I, ah… Believe it or not, I know exactly howthatfeels too. But it’s never that simple, Gideon.Peopleare never that simple.”
“In your case, maybe.” I set my jaw. “You and Jamie are the exception.”
“Or maybe it’sexactly the same,” he whispered, twisting around to look for Liam and then back to me. “Because fate brought this guy here now, so you could have a second chance to make things right. If you loved him—”
“You’re missing the point as usual,” I gritted out. “Ithoughtit was—” I couldn’t bring myself to say love “—something, but it was nothing. It was a stupid mistake. A…a one-night stand.” That had gotten totally out of hand.
“Whatever you say.” Parker sounded positively gleeful. “But you look like you can’t decide whether you want to kiss him or beat him to a pulp—”
Not wholly inaccurate.
“—and I’ve never seen that look on your face ever, so I don’t believe you.”
