When we got back to the cabin, he’d nearly fallen over Honoria in his haste to get to the bedroom. He’d needed to lay down to get his pants off, which had led to him giggling for a solid minute while I’d stood in the doorway and watched himstruggle.
In my defense, he’d been hilarious, and I’d kinda felt half-drunk myself, watching him make himself comfortable in myspace.
Once he’d finished kicking off his pants and peeling off his sweater—both of which he’d thrown on the floor, as he’d been horrified to discover this morning—he’d lain like a starfish in the center of my bed, blinking at the ceiling like the fight with his clothing had sapped the last bits of his energy. It had taken way more effort not to crawl on the bed and kiss him than I’d imagined possible. Instead, I’d forced him to sit up long enough to take some Tylenol and drink a full bottle of water before tucking him under the covers. He’d fallen asleep with a little smile on his face, and after feeding the animals and brushing my teeth, I’d fallen asleep watchinghim.
“I woke up with you half-naked in my bed,” I told him now, shifting my hand higher up his leg. “Your face was buried in my armpit like you enjoyed itthere.”
“Huh.” He wrinkled his nose and cleared his throat. “Well. That, uh, doesn’t actually surprise me toomuch.”
“Really?” I raised my eyebrows and shifted my hand down onto the cushion near his waist so I was leaning over him slightly. “You have a thing for armpits? Armpits and facialhair?”
“You don’t have to make it sound so weird. Facial hair is undeniably sexy. And a lot of guys think armpits are sexy, too.” He shrugged, but his eyes werehot.
“Hmm. Well, I definitely didn’t miss the part where you were gay.” I twisted to put a knee on the couch and braced my hands on the cushions at either side of his waist so I almost hovered over him. “But you know I’m new to this wholething.”
“I know,” he said softly. There were a thousand swirling questions in his eyes, and I knew he’d never askthem.
“Nature is big and wide, right?” I dipped my head and rested my chin on his chest. “You said the other day that you couldn’t imagine ever falling for a woman. But…” I hesitated. “I don’t know. Things don’t seem to be that static forme.”
“That wasmyexperience, Daniel. Lots ofpeople…”
I put a finger to his lips. “I know. I’m not looking for validation, Julian. I’m just explaining. In my whole life, I’ve never found guys hot. And it’s not that I’ve been closed off to it, it’s just that it’s never occurred to me. But I findyouhot.”
He frowned. “Me?”
“You sound so surprised.” I laughed. “Were you not there for thosekisses?”
“I was. I just mean, if there was a guy who was gonna trigger a gay… awakening, for lack of a better word… the chances of it beingmeare so slim. Like, infinitesimally tiny. Chris Hemsworth, Daniel. The Rock. Idris Elba. Any of them, I could see. But me?” He shook hishead.
I snorted. “I don’t know if you triggered it,” I lied. “Maybe a person just awakens when they’re supposed to awaken. Maybe I’ve always had this capacity to be bisexual or pansexual or demisexual… some other kind of sexual I’m about to invent for the first time. I don’t need to pin it down with a vocabulary word. That’s…” That’s what my parents would have done. They loved to categorize shit. “I’m not going to label it. I’m just gonna enjoyit.”
“Okay,” he saiddubiously.
“So, as I was saying, I find you insanely hot.” I bent my head and kissed his chest through his t-shirt—myt-shirt. “I’ve spent hours thinking about what your skin would feel like under my fingers. I’ve jerked off to the memory of you fully clothed at the pond that day lastsummer.”
“Last summer? At the pond? You were… already, eventhen?”
“Even then,” Iagreed.
He touched my hair tentatively. “That’s…wow.”
I snorted. “But I feel like I’m late to the game. I feel like I’m missing a lot of beginnerinformation.”
I was teasing, but partly serious, too. This attraction to Jules was new and consuming, and I was doing my best to just accept it and go with it, to figure it out as I went along. But I was also thirty-three years old. It had been half a lifetime since I’d felt this clueless about sex. I didn’t know how to touch him the right way. I had no practiced moves. Hell, I didn’t even know what turned a guy on, since I’d never considered the possibility that armpits weresexy.
“Wellllll. You could always try a scientific approach,” Julian suggested. “Come up with a hypothesis and then test it out, gather some data and make someconclusions?”
I nodded. “I suppose I could do that. Where should I begin?” I leaned down so my chin was just grazing the t-shirt over his stomach, my eyes fixed onhis.
He swallowed. “Um. You could maybe think of something you’ve always enjoyed havingdoneto you, and see if you enjoy doing it to someone else? Or you could think of something you’ve heard about and try it, to see if you find itinteresting?”
“Those things help me figure out whatIlike,” I said, nudging his shirt up with my mouth until a few inches of skin above his navel was exposed. “But what if I want to find out what might drive someone elsecrazy?”
“Crazy?” his voice was high-pitched andbreathy.
“Uh huh,” I breathed against his bare skin. “For that, I think I’ll need a subject matter expert. Someone who could give me advice and kinda talk me through what he wants. Someone who’s gorgeous and sexy as fuck, but with a scientific mind. Someone like…you.”
Julian shivered from head to toe and his eyes went half-lidded, a reaction that seemed completely out of proportion to what we weredoing.
