“I don’t know where you get this idea of me,” I told him. “How long have we been friends? I’m, like, ten pounds of awkward in a five-poundbag.”
“You’re not awkward. You’re just…you,” Daniel argued, looking up at me. “You ramble a little. You’re funny as hell. You’re intelligent and calm in a crisis. Maybe you need to change your internal dialogue,Jules.”
Yeah, that wasn’t going tohappen.
And also, since when did he call me Jules? And why did I like it so damnmuch?
“Squirrels are sneaky sometimes,” I said. “There was probably another squirrel around, or maybe he thought youwere a threat, so he pretended to hide something and didn’t. Have fun looking for my acorn,sucker!”
“I didn’t know wild animals could be sneaky.” He drew his knees up, planting his feet on the ground. I set my back against his leg without invitation and hesnorted.
“Of course they can be sneaky. You think your average squirrel has better morals than your averagehuman?”
“Well… yeah? Or more like they don’t have morals at all. I mean animals are supposed to be wild and pure and shit, right? No higher reasoning, just instinctive desire to stay alive and procreate. That’s why we’re so drawn to nature, isn’t it? When all the other shit gets to be too much, we can boil things down to their simplest form. It’scomforting.”
I turned my head to stare at him as he stared at the sky. God, this man fascinated me like no other ever had and, I was very much afraid, no other ever would. Was this what having a soul mate feltlike?
“I think it’s the opposite,” I said honestly, and it struck me that this was shit I couldn’t imagine discussing with anyone else in my life, ever. “I don’t think nature helps me boil things down to essentials. I think it reminds me thateverythingis possible. Nature is big and wide. There are gay swans and bonobos that have orgies, and crows that randomly try to bring down owls.” I tilted my head significantly, thinking of Trixie, and Daniel nodded in acknowledgement. “I think anything can happen out here. And it reminds me that anything can happen anywhere. That’s what I findcomforting.”
Daniel stared at me, his gaze so intense and unwavering, I felt my cheeks heat. “I findyoucomforting,” he said softly. And Jesus fuck, how was I supposed to takethat?
Platonically, dumbass. Obviously. Clearly.Yes.
Except then, Daniel lifted a hand and traced a finger down my cheek. A muscle in his jaw quivered, and I swear he was looking at me like…like…
“Daniel,” I managed to breathe out in a tiny, strangled voice. It was a plea, a poor substitute for all the things I couldn’t speak, something that loosely translated to ‘Please explain to me what’s happening here in teeny tiny words I can’t misinterpret or overexamine.’ And Daniel understood, or it felt like he did. His finger traced over mylip.
Oh. My. Actual. Fucking. God.What washappening?
No, fuck that. I didn’t care as long as it kepthappening.
“Anything is possible, huh?” He swallowed. “Because—”
My skin tingled everywhere—the places he touched, the places I wished he would touch, every square centimeter in between. I found it hard to draw breath without wheezing. He watched me still, his gaze worried but hopeful, and the moment was heavy with expectation. This was Christmas morning; this was the silver lining of every Grindr hookup gone awry. It would be life shatteringly huge and minutely perfect all at once, I couldfeelit. I wanted him to speak. I wanted to draw it out. No, scratch that, I definitelyneededhim tospeak.
I could feel my body canting toward his, almost instinctively leaning in to hear what he was going to say, and it felt like the whole world became silent, except for the rustle of branchesoverhead.
An acorn hit the ground beside Daniel’s head and his fingers twitched against my mouth, but I ignoredit.
Come on, I thought.Comeon.
Another acorn fell, this one on his chest. And then another, hitting the back of my head. And one more, pinging off Daniel’scheek.
“What the fuck?” Daniel said, sitting up and covering his head. “It’s likerain.”
Fuck.Moment lost.Again.
I glanced up and saw a gray squirrel perched on a branch above us. “More like sabotage,” I snapped. I’d never hated an animal more. “The squirrel is chucking them down atus.”
“Oh my God.” Daniel jumped to his feet. “You mean squirrels are attacking? Like, withbombs?”
“Pretty much does away with your idea of nature being honest and pure, huh?” I was feeling prettybitter.
He reached down a hand and dragged me to my feet. “A little bit,yeah.”
I was not a happy hiker as we continued along the trail. This morning had been disorienting and disappointing, and I needed a nap, a cold shower, and a drink, in some order orother.
“You okay?” Daniel asked a short time later as we picked our way across a muddy patch ofdirt.
