But Damon seemed to read his mind - or maybe to read the clench of his belly and the tightening of his shoulders. “You know, I was angry this morning. When we were talking about this stuff in the car.”
“I know. I don’t blame you. Anyone would—”
“No, let me say this,” Damon argued gently. “It wasn’t fair of me to say that you were putting Jesse’s life before mine, or to suggest that not confronting your dad made you weak.” He exhaled slowly. “Things were different for me growing up. My own dad is generally recognized as a piece of shit - a total womanizer, an addict, a thief, and a bully. After my mom died, I was a foster care kid for a long time. I had no…legacyto uphold, or whatever you want to call it. If I ever thought of my dad, it was to make damn sure I didn’t turn out like him. I don’t have any loyalty to my dad.”
Damon picked up Cain’s hand and toyed with his fingers. “And even though I hated him? I still think I probably would have turned out just like him, if not for Cort. I mean, when you don’t love anyone and you don’t have anyone who loves you, how can you help but turn into a self-absorbed asshole? If Cort hadn’t come into my life when he did, if he hadn’tneededme, I don’t know where I’d be now. And I ask myself, what would I do if I believed Cort had committed a crime? If he’d killed someone, or hurt someone? Would I turn him in?” He shook his head. “Like you said before, it’s not that easy.”
“Cort’s different,” Cain whispered. “He loves you, and you know he’s a good guy. My father… I don’t know how or when his priorities started changing, but I can’t say the same about him.” It fucking killed him to accept it, let alone to say it aloud, but he did. “He’s just not a good man.”
“You never really know why people make the choices they make, Cain. You know, just as we pulled into the driveway this evening, I got a voicemail from my brother.” He winced. “A pretty loud, furious voicemail.”
“What?” Cain sat up slightly, pulling away. “Why? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. He and Cam are fine, I think. He didn’t really say.” He chuckled humorlessly and drew Cain back down. “He was too busy taking me to task for the fact that I left town without telling him, that I went to Drew and Bas for help with Chelsea instead of asking him, that I called Drew about helping Jesse.” He ticked off the list of grievances on his fingers. “And worst of all, he had to find out about the whole people-shooting-at-us thing second-hand from Bas.”
“Oh.” Cain could see how that would be… pretty terrifying, actually.
“Yeah,oh,” Damon said, shaking his head ruefully. “And he’s right. If the shoe were on the other foot, I’d murder him for not telling me. But it’s not just about what’s happened the last few days. I mean, Cort was the most important person in my life for a long, long time. And then, after the crash…”
He paused to look out over the mountains, and Cain pushed himself more fully against Damon’s side, trying to share his warmth, his presence. Trying to comfort Damon the way Damon comforted him.
“After the crash, I abandoned him. That’s how he felt, anyway. But from my perspective, I was convinced that keeping my distance would save him, and having me around would only drag him down.”
“What? That’s crazy!” Cain poked Damon in the ribs, and Damon’s eyes flared in response.
“It’s not.” Damon grabbed Cain’s offending finger and bit it gently. He stretched out his leg, and Cain began to knead the muscles with his fingertips. Damon squeezed his shoulders in appreciation. “When I first woke up from the accident, I believed everything they said about me was true,” Damon told him. “I believed I’d missed something in my pre-check. Jack and I had only had one drink apiece the night before, so I didn’t think it was possible that I could be hungover, right? But I was tired, groggy. Jack offered to help me with the pre-check, to go over everything again in case I’d missed something, while I went and got some coffee. And I wasgrateful.I was wide awake when we took off that day, but for the first couple of weeks after the crash, I was convinced I had somehow been negligent. I thought I was toxic, and I wanted to protect Cort from, well,myself.Later on, when I saw Jack on TV lying about how I had been drinking, I recognized that I’d need Cort’s help to bring Jack to justice, but even then I thought I was doing him a favor by keeping my distance and only communicating as little as possible.”
Cain shook his head sadly. “I get it. It sucks that you felt that way.”
“But the thing is, did I fix it? Did I stick around and make things up to Cort?” His fingers closed more tightly over Cain’s and he pressed a kiss to Cain’s temple. “Nope. I decided since he had Cam, he didn’t need me and my drama hanging around. And then I left to take care of Chelsea without even consulting him.”
“You were protecting him.”
“I was,” Damon agreed. “But I’m kinda starting to realize that in my quest to protect him, I’ve hurt him a lot.”
“Maybe so, but if you’re trying to compare your behavior with Cort to my father’s behavior with… everyone in the world, you’re missing the point. Actions aren’t the only thing that matter. Motive matters too.”
“Spoken like a future lawyer, Mr. Shaw,” Damon teased, and just like that, the weight on Cain’s chest lifted.
He slapped Damon lightly in the stomach. “Spoken like a smart and mature individual,” he corrected.
“A smart-ass, immature individual?”
Cain sat up and looked Damon in the eye. “Just for that, you don’t get to see the hot tub.”
“Wait, hot tub?” Damon squinted. “I was not aware this was even on the table.”
“Uh huh. That’s because you haven’t been upstairs yet.” Cain stood and planted his hands on his hips.
“You can’t just dangle those words in front of a man after you’ve taken it away, Cain,” Damon said with mock anger.
“And yet, I have,” Cain told him sadly.
“Reconsider,” Damon growled, pushing to his feet with one hand on the arm of the sofa. “Remember who’s the… the…BigDaddy.”
Oh, it was too perfect. “I’m not sure. I see no hat.”
“I left it in the car. A king is still a king without his crown.” Damon grabbed Cain by the belt loops and drew him closer until their chests were brushing.
