As badly as she wanted to go home, she had yet to convince a doctor that she would feel better and heal better if she was back in her own environment.
What nobody else could understand was that the entire fabric that she’d built her adult life on had just been ripped out from underneath her. Her belief that Micah had known about her assault and decided not to stand beside her as she battled through the aftermath was false. He hadn't known, and that changed nothing, and yet somehow it also changed everything.
How was she supposed to deal with thatandbeing abducted and operated on against her will?
She couldn’t.
Simple as that.
All her life, she’d been the person who took problems and found a way to make them work. She didn't complain, she just took what life gave her and worked with it. But she didn't know how to do that now.
Didn't know what to do with all the fear, and anger, and terror that simmered inside her.
What was going to happen when it started to boil?
Was it going to destroy her from the inside out?
“No one expects you to be okay, you know that, right?” Micah asked.
When she turned her head to the side, she saw that he’d resumed his spot in the chair beside her bed. The same chair he’d been sitting in almost the entire time she’d been in there. Not only had he ridden with her in the ambulance, but he had insisted that he would remain in her room while she was examined in the ER, then, when she was taken for further tests, he had refused to leave her side. Other than the occasional brief trip to the bathroom or to get her something to eat, he’d stayed.
It wasn't that she wanted him there … not exactly anyway, but she had become accustomed to his presence, and that worried her. He wasn't staying in her life. Even if he wouldn't have to go back to the other side of the country as soon as his leave was over, she didn't want him to be part of her future.Just because he hadn't known the truth, the fact that he could write her off so easily and block her out of his life like she meant nothing meant she could never trust him again.
His apologies weren't enough to fix the mess he’d made.
Nothing was.
So why was he even bothering?
Whatever else he was, Micah was smart, always had been. He had to recognize the fact that in life you could never go back, only forward, always forward. And there was nowhere for them to go. If they went forward, they would just hit block after block. There was no way to travel back in time to when things were perfect and then freeze them.
“What you went through was … beyond horrific,” Micah continued, even though she hadn't spoken a word. “It’s going to take time for you to heal. While you do, you shouldn’t be pushing away the people who care about you. Ava has been through what you have, you should have let her come in to see you.”
Avahadn'tbeen through what she had.
Her friend had been abducted, yes, and had one of her organs removed, but Ava had escaped. Ava had been strong enough to get herself out, to save herself, whereas Teresa would still be back there in that hellhole if Prey hadn't been able to find them.
The fact that it was Micah who was there telling her she shouldn’t shut others out when that was precisely what he’d done to her was ironic. Frustratingly ironic. She hadn't asked him to stay with her, and she was tired, hurting, and wanted to go home. It was time for him to go away so she could work on getting over him for a second time.
Not something she was looking forward to.
But she’d done it once so she could do it again. It didn’t matter if she wasn't sure how she could do it this time around, she’d find a way. The alternative was to never get him out of her mind, and that wasn't happening.
Already, he’d left lingering marks that haunted her every so often, there was no way she was going to put up with more than that. If anything, she now wanted to rid herself of those lingering marks so she could move forward with a fresh start. Now she knew the truth about what had happened, maybe she really could move on.
“I’m so sorry, Teresa. I wish I could go back and do it all over. Call the cops that day, get those men off you, and stand by your side. That was where I belonged, and I’ve had an ache in my chest ever since. My heart knew what I was missing before my head caught up.”
If his apology was supposed to help, it didn't.
All it did was serve to remind her that she’d had that same ache, only she’d had it because of his choices and not her own.
“Go,” she said softly, her voice hoarse. She’d only used it to answer direct questions from medical personnel.
“Not leaving you alone.”
“Go,” she repeated, stronger this time as she pushed herself up in the bed a little, wincing as it pulled on the wound on her stomach.
“Not leaving you alone,” Micah said again, standing and reaching for the bed’s controls, elevating it a little so she could still rest against the mattress while also sitting up.
