In an instant, Lucan’s tiny head pivoted, his gaze sweeping the room with a palpable blend of innocence and curiosity. “Ma-ma?” he voiced softly, the single word striking her with the force of a bullet to the heart. “Ma-Ma?” he repeated.
The shrill tone of her phone pierced the air again. With a reluctant sigh, she answered, her voice barely above a whisper, torn between the immediacy of the call and the profound empathy she felt for Lucan as he looked for his mother.
“Hello?”
“Reva, it’s Bea Followill. We’ve had some developments in the search for Lucan’s relatives. Could you come to Child and Family Services at ten this morning? I believe you already have the address.”
Reva went on high alert. They’d found his family. “Yes, of course, I’ll be there.”
She hung up. Melancholy immediately seeped inside. Unnerved, she pushed the unwelcome emotion aside. She was happy Lucan’s family had been located.
Wasn’t she?
Lucan placed his dimpled fingers against her cheek. Reva swallowed as an unbidden tear formed.
While she was happy they’d found his family, she’d secretly wished for a little more time with him.
Now, Reva stood at the threshold of goodbye, her heart a battleground of conflicting emotions. As she stood to change his diaper and get him dressed, she kissed the top of his head. “You have a big adventure ahead, little guy,” she said, pushing the lump from her throat.
She laid him on her bed and unsnapped his bunny pajamas watching with a smile as the orphaned child played with his toes. She’d known this moment would come, yet she hadn’t allowed herself to measure the depth of her attachment, nor had she confronted the latent desire within her to be a mother.
The phone rang yet again. Reva juggled keeping Lucan in place long enough to dress him while bringing the phone into view. It was Charlie Grace.
“Morning,” she said. “How’d the first night go?”
“Good, it went fine,” she told her friend. “I’m dressing him now—or trying to. We have a meeting with Mrs. Followill later this morning.”
“Yeah?”
Reva slipped the adhesive tab securely in place on his fresh diaper, proud of herself that the process had gone more smoothly than the first time she’d tried. “Yeah, sounds like they’ve located his extended family.”
“Wow, that was quick. Of course, you can find anyone on the internet in a matter of minutes these days.”
“I suppose.” She reached for Lucan’s pants.
“Okay, I hear something in your voice. What is it?” Charlie Grace waited on the other end of the phone for an answer, yet Reva didn’t know what to say.
The years had passed so quickly. She’d always told herself she had plenty of time. Yet, here she was, at a juncture in her life where the paths of romance and parenthood seemed not just distant but possibly unreachable, a realization that carved a hollow space within her.
“It’s nothing,” she said, carefully trying to hide her true emotions.
“Reva?”
She tugged one leg of the pants into place. “Yeah?”
“It’s going to be okay.”
Somehow Charlie Grace could sense the unspoken turmoil swirling within Reva, the kind of intuitive understanding that comes from years of friendship. The reassurance in her friend’s voice was like a lifeline thrown across a sea of doubt and fears.
“It’s just that—” Reva began, her voice faltering as she attempted to articulate feelings she’d long kept at bay. “I guess I never realized how much I wanted…more. Until now, with Lucan, it’s like he’s opened a door I can’t close.” She finished adjusting Lucan’s pants, her actions automatic as her focus drifted to the weight of her confession.
Charlie Grace remained silent for a moment, allowing Reva’s admission to settle. “I know,” she finally said, her voice soft yet filled with conviction. “And it’s okay to feel that way. But we both know life has a funny way of surprising us. Realizing this is what you want, but you can’t see the way forward, doesn’t mean the path isn’t there.”
Reva held the phone a little closer, drawing comfort from her friend’s words. In the background, Lucan’s laughter filled the room once more as he wriggled on the bed, a bittersweet reminder of the joy and complexity of these new emotions she was grappling with.
“Thank you,” she whispered, a mix of gratitude and newfound resolve stirring within her. Maybe Charlie Grace was right. Now that she knew more firmly that this piece of herself—the joy of motherhood—was missing…well, maybe, just maybe, the future held possibilities she had yet to imagine.
They exchanged farewells, and Reva hung up. She tucked her phone back in her pocket and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. She’d have to hurry if she wanted time for a cup of coffee before they had to get on the road.
