For the first time in my life, I’m not terrified of the idea of having a child. I never thought I was cut out to be a father. Growing up, I was shown what it meant to be a monster, not a man. My father made sure I knew how to break, to hurt, to dominate, but never how to love.
But with Tessa, something’s shifting inside me. The idea of having a child with her, someone who could show me what love actually looks like and teach me how to be better, how to be more than just the product of my past… It doesn’t scare me anymore. Not like it used to.
She shifts slightly as I peer down at her, her eyes connecting with mine. I trace the line of her hair, the delicate strands slipping between my fingers.
The question escapes my lips before I can stop myself. “Have you ever thought about…having kids?”
Her body stiffens. “Uh…why?”
“It’s just, I’ve been thinking about it lately, A family of my own. I swore after my father I’d never even consider it, but now…” My knuckles brush down her cheeks. “Now everything is different.”
Her lips flutter, brows furrowing.
“Konstantin…I…” She glances down, her head shaking, her fingers playing with the fabric of her nightgown. “I wouldn’t be a good mother.” Her laugh is small, almost sad, and it tears me apart to hear it. “My mother wasn’t much of a role model. I…I don’t even know the first thing about being a mother, let alone a good one.”
Relief fills me at her confession. Because she didn’t say she’dnever want to have a family with me.
“The question wasn’t if you’d be a good one, which I know you would be, Tessa.” I cup her chin and tilt her face to me. “I asked if you’ve ever thought about having a family. With me.”
Her eyes grow wide, and she swallows roughly, unable to answer.
“I get it. My father was never much of a father, as you know. He showed me what I didn’t want to be, yet somehow became, so I never wanted kids either. But now…” I pause, considering what I’m saying. “Now, with you…I’m not so sure anymore.”
Her palm falls across my shoulder, fingers tightening against my skin, her features tortured and full of quiet pain. I kiss her forehead, my mouth remaining there for a few seconds before I pull back, trying to soothe the fear in her.
“We can figure this out together.” The conviction in my tone surprises even me.
“And what if we can’t?”
I pull her closer, my lips brushing against her temple. “All we can do is try. Our child would have the best parts of each of us.” My fingers caress softly down her arm. “And the worst parts too, probably.”
A small, genuine laugh tumbles from her. “Yes, probably.”
She fastens her gaze with mine, something tender flickering there, something that grips tight around my heart and won’t let go. Lifting her hand, she brushes the stubble along my jaw with a slow, thoughtful stroke.
“I think you’d actually be a good dad.” The honesty in her tone rips something open in me.
With a groan, my mouth lowers and I kiss her, gently at first, before the kiss deepens, the intensity rising between us.
“Fuck…” My forehead slants against hers. “Go to sleep, Tessa.” Every word is rough with desire. “Before I keep you up all night.”
She chuckles, and I sense the tension in her ease as she nestlesinto me, her head resting on my chest as I reach over to turn off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness. She burrows into me, her breaths calming me as she drifts off.
I lie awake for a while after she falls asleep, just listening to her steady exhales, thinking about everything. About her. About us. Wondering if there really could be a future for us and what this would mean for the future of my empire.
Then, just as I start to close my eyes, a low groan slips out from her lips. Her body tenses, stirring a bit as she mutters something I can’t make out. She must be having a dream or a nightmare.
I hold her tighter, trying to calm her, my hand running up and down her arm. “Tessa. It’s just a dream. It’s okay.”
But the groaning continues, growing louder, more frantic. She starts mumbling, but I can’t make out the words, though the distress in her voice is clear. I flick on the bedside lamp, a warm glow cutting through the dark.
“Tessa.” I shake her gently, trying to pull her from whatever hell she’s trapped in. “Wake up.”
Her eyes flutter open. Confusion floods them at first, her exhales quick as she sits up. When she blinks again, reality clicks back into place. Still, her chest heaves like she’s run miles. And all I can do is hold her, tighter than before, as if I can chase away whatever shadows tried to steal her from me.
“Are you alright?” Tugging her to my chest, I lay us back down.
She sighs and relaxes against my chest, her hand finding its way to my bicep.
