“Nurturing You Women’s Clinic, this is Vyola. Can I have your first and last name please?”
“Hi Vyola, this is Klarity Monroe. I have a nine o’clock with Dr. Bloom this morning. I’m having car trouble and waiting on a ride. Is there any way you can give me a grace period?” I was praying they would look out for me. I had ten minutes to get there.
“We automatically give you a fifteen-minute grace period. Do you think you’ll be able to make it in that time frame?”
“I believe so. I’ll see you in a few. Thank you.” The call was disconnected, and I tossed my phone back in my purse afterward.
I climbed out the car and made my way back in the house until Seri pulled up. It was hot, I was aggravated and in need of a cool breeze. The weather was ninety or above and I feared we wouldn’t see any signs of it letting up anytime soon.
Opening the front door, the coolness from the AC smacked me in the face. I closed my eyes briefly before walking to the kitchen for a bottle of cold water. I grabbed one from the fridge, popped the seal, and downed damn near half the bottle. That small distance had me feeling like I could pass out at any moment. It was entirely too hot for this.
Seri’s horn was sounding off moments later. I waddled back to the door and locked up. I expected her to pull up in her BMW, but she was in her red G-Wagon instead. Climbing inside, she had the AC blasting and low tunes of a local artists named Roux playing. She was the calmness in my chaotic world.
“You look so cute, cousin,” she sang throwing her arms around my neck.
“I damn sure don’t feel like it. I’m miserable, Seri, and it ain’t even funny no more,” I complained.
“Don’t say that. It’s just a lot of shit happening that’s out of your control. I’ll have my daddy come and look at your car while we at your appointment to see what’s going on. If he can’t figure it out, you can drive one of my cars. Stop stressing so much. My niece gon’ come out a crybaby.” She pulled out the driveway and headed toward the clinic. She had no idea how much I appreciated her.
“I can’t help but stress. How the hell am I supposed to go see Cojak later and pick CJ up from your mom’s daycare if my darn car won’t start? That’s something else for him to bitch about.”
“So what? He starting to get on my nerves with his selfish ass. He knows how hard you have it right now and still expects you to pay every bill, answer every call, and come see him twice a week. You doing the best you can, Klarity, and I’ll get nephew.”
“You know how many times I tell him that and he still ignores me. Asking people for help every other week is embarrassing as fuck. I’m almost eight months pregnant so scoring a better paying job right now is out the picture.”
“Ain’t shit embarrassing about asking for help. I don’t mind helping, either. I have it to give.” Once again, she was showing me why I loved her so much. Seri didn’t treat me as a burden and that made me feel a little better than I was.
“Thank you but I’m not going to keep asking you for help either, Seri. I just need to make it through these next few months so I can get a real job.”
“Nah, you need to cut down on what you do for that egotistical ass nigga and think about you, CJ, and Essence. She’ll be here before you know it, he still needs his mother, and speaking that every pregnancy is different, she could come early,” she advised.
“Thinking about them is something I rarely get to do because of the shit I go through with him. I haven’t even bought her a box of diapers yet because he’s taking all my damn money. He keeps promising his family got everything they need but them people don’t call or check on us. He just lying and my dumbass is believing every word.”
I was really beginning to hate how much I loved Cojak. He meant me no good, but the emotional attachment wasn’t allowing me to leave him just yet. Our kids played a big part installing my departure as well. They were made out of love… at least that was what I wanted to believe.
Besides Seri, I had no one that gave a fuck about me. I was emancipated months after turning sixteen because my so called parents didn’t want shit to do with me. I was working, going to school, and paying for my own place. I had to do for me since no one else would. Cojak claimed I was the love of his life, but it hadn’t been shown since he started his bid.
“Look, he got two and a half years left up in there. Essence will be walking and talking by the time he touchdown and CJ might not even remember him. Your focus needs to shift and fast. People show you who they are all the time. Our problem is never believing them. You got to wake up, cousin.”
“Tuh, that’s easier said than done.”
Cojak asked me to bring CJ up to see him several times, but I refused to do so. He was a child who didn’t know shit about that life, and I wasn’t about to introduce it to him. He was only two years old, but he was a smart boy. His father disrespected me on so many levels. CJ didn’t need to hear or see that.
My eyes wandered to the streets of Sage Springs. As long as I’d been here, I never witnessed Black love outside of Aunt Symphony and Uncle Quill. Seri played in the swirl so all I had to go off was them. They formed a two-parent household and gave my cousin everything she asked for. I envied that small factor about her so much I wanted that for my kids. Cojak didn’t think how this would affect me one bit.
Pulling into the clinic’s parking lot, I shook off the small wave of depression that was trying to consume me. Seri found a spot near the entrance cutting the walking distance down. I slid out the passenger seat grabbing a hold to Seri’s extended hand. She helped me inside where I was checked in moments later.
Taking a seat, I scanned the room and spotted several women with no man by their sides. I shook my head as it registered menreally wasn’t shit. Not one was present for their woman, and it made me feel like beating the stereotypes as a single mother was slim to none. Lonely and unsure on where to go was what I woke up to everyday. This was draining.
“You good?” Serinity asked placing a small pillow behind my back.
“No, but I will be… eventually.”
“You goddamn right. We about to check on her, you going to see her daddy, and hopefully you tell him the real.”
Yeah, hopefully.
Going to see Cojak was more stressful than anything in my life. Standing outside in the hot sun until it was time to be let in always blew me before even getting inside and hearing his lies. The more I visited the more I reflected on me as a woman. I didn’t have the confidence to do shit anymore and that was out of pure depression and embarrassment.
