“It’s what we do, right.” I used to think it was a beautiful thing we did for one another. Now, the feel of it leaves a bitterness in its wake strong enough to turn even the softest parts of my heart brittle.
He nods, kicking at pebbles of concrete on the ground. “So, this is it.”
“This is it.” It can’t be though. Because it’s all too surreal to be true.
Matti looks up, meeting my gaze one last time. “I’ll make sure my stuff is out of the house before you get home.” He starts to turn. “We can figure out how to tell the kids together once we’re all in the same place at the same time again.”
“Okay.” The word comes out of my mouth on autopilot. Nothing about this is okay.
I watch as he moves further and further away, taking the steps back to his tour bus until he disappears inside. Never turning around. Never looking back.
Clinging to my pride, I march back to my car and get in, turning the key and taking off.
Tears fall faster than I can drive to escape them, escape this.
I set all of this in motion. It was my choice. I left first.
But it still didn’t save me from the agony of having to watch him walk away.
And he did.
He just...walked away.
CHAPTER ONE
Present Day
MATTI
“There’s a problem,” I announce as soon as I hear Knox answer his phone.
“What sort of a problem?”
“You know that annual sisters trip I was planning to crash to win Nessa back?” I shake my head, waving off the third cab that’s tried to pick me up since I stepped foot outside the airport. “Not at a luxury resort as one might imagine a Hawaii vacation chosen by four women to be.”
“It’s still Hawaii, I don’t see where their choice in lodging becomes a problem.”
Oh, it’s a problem. A real fucking problem. “They’re staying at a dude ranch. With freakin’ horses.”
Knox’s first response is to laugh at me. Loudly. A whole fucking lot.
“Are you done?” I expected him to be amused at my expense, but between nerves and the sweltering sun, I’m starting to melt just standing out here, and as of yet, I have no real plan in place to avoid the midday heat or my current state of anxiety, so I need him to get serious.
“Are you?” He’s still laughing, but at least he’s able to carry on a conversation again. “Is this it? You gonna let a horse scare you out of going after Ness?”
“No!” I see another cab start to pull up and I quickly turn away, facing the doors like I’m headed back in. Which might not be a bad way to go. “But maybe it’s a sign to go home and just let her enjoy her vacation. Why am I rushing this anyway? I can just wait until after her trip and talk to her then. I mean, what’s another week after two years of being apart?”
“Yeah,” he agrees with me. There’s no way that’s genuine.
“So, I should get back on a plane and come home. Let her have her sister time.”
“Sure.” Now he’s just starting to piss me off.
“This isn’t why I called you. You’re not supposed to just agree with me. You’re supposed to tell me to get my shit together. That giving her space and waiting shit out is what got me here in the first place. That the entire act of chasing after her to tell her what an idiot I was will cease to exist if I turn around and come home before I even reach her. That the whole fucking point of a grand romantic gesture is to do something that requires a leap of faith, a facing of fears, a moment of total vulnerability.”
Silence follows.
Then -
