“So, that’s it.” His head moves slowly up and down, like he’s trying to force his body to come to terms with our decision.
“You sound like we just ended things.”
His eyes meet mine, reflecting my own hurt and fear back to me. “I guess part of me is scared we did. And we just don’t know it yet.”
“If we did, I don’t want to find out tonight.” I reach up to touch his face. He leans into my touch, closing his eyes. “Nothing has changed yet,” I whisper. “We’re both here. Now.” I lift onto my toes and press my lips to his. “Let’s not waste it.”
His arms reach around me, pulling me tight, but the closer he holds me, the more I can’t help feeling like I’m slipping from his grip, falling farther and farther away from him. I brace myself against his chest, suddenly dizzy from heartache and the push and pull of my own mind. I hate that I’m doing this to myself. To him. To us.
“Come on,” he murmurs, lips so close they brush against my ear. “Let’s go inside. Crawl into bed.”
I nod, letting my hand glide down his chest to meet his. He leads me back to the house in silence, closes the door behind us and takes me upstairs. “Get comfy,” he tells me. “I’ll let the dogs out and check their water.” He starts for the bedroom door. “I’ll look in on Sloan, too.” Then he’s gone, leaving me to undress, and fall to pieces, alone.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
KNOX
The night is peaceful. It shouldn’t be. A storm should be raging. Rain should be pouring down. Thunder ought to be exploding in the sky, lightning breaking it open, pulling it apart.
Instead, it’s quiet. Clear skies, bright stars and a crescent moon promising new beginnings. Maybe the night is right. Maybe I’m begging for a storm that isn’t brewing anywhere but inside my mind.
I let out a quiet whistle, drawing back two of the dogs who took off into the brush a few minutes ago and haven’t resurfaced.
I hear a rustle of leaves. A second later, both dogs are trotting my way, looking particularly pleased with themselves.
“I’m not even gonna ask,” I mutter, chuckling at the sight of them. I always thought I was a dog person deep down. Never felt like I had the time to give to having one, but maybe someday. Part of me still can’t deny it feels like that someday I’m waiting for has already arrived. My homelife went from being a comfortable solitude to an overflow of love and laughter and sheer life force in the blink of an eye. I wasn’t looking for it. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I was ready for it. But here it is. And I’m head over heels in love with it. This life. This woman. This family.
I don’t want to give it up.
She’s not asking me to.
She’s just asking me to shut up about my intentions. To stop saying that I’m coming back. To be with her. To bring our two lives together and build one moving forward.
I can’t keep promising her something she won’t see come to pass for days and weeks and months to come. And why the hell I find this surprising, I don’t know. The woman didn’t believe me when I said I was coming out to meet her the first night I mether. And all I had to do to make that happen was walk down a flight of stairs and step out the front doors. Of course, she would struggle to believe that I could come back for her after leaving the fucking state.
“She doesn’t ever doubt y’all though, does she.” I look down to see all three dogs sitting at my feet, waiting for me to open the door, and let them back in. “I don’t suppose your kind has ever given her reason to.” I push down the handle and push, letting the light from inside spill out and the dogs scurry on in. I bring in the rear, locking the door behind me.
Takes a few minutes to fill the water bowl, get the lights and adjust the thermostat in the window AC for the night. Then, I’m heading back up the narrow staircase. When I reach the top, I rap my knuckles over Sloan’s door.
“Come in.” She’s definitely still wide awake.
“Whatcha workin’ on?” I take a step inside her room to get a better look at her tablet.
“You.” She smiles sheepishly. “I hope you don’t mind. But I had this idea to animate you and give you a talking guitar for a sort of sidekick.”
“That is too cool.” I lean in to check it out. “Dude, that even looks like me!”
She rolls her eyes. “Obviously.”
“No, I mean... Wow.” She is so damn good. “You have to send me that when it’s done. I’m gonna have to show it off to everyone I know.”
She laughs.
“I mean it.” I get as serious as I can while she’s still smiling at me, eyes twinkling like she’s pleased to see me dig her art so much. “This may be the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Her demeanor changes and she puffs herself up dramatically. “That’s just because you’ve never seen me dance.” Then shecracks, collapsing into herself and laughing again. “You’re still coming tomorrow, right?”
“Of course.”
