Now the words buzzed in my ears along with the mosquitoes. “Why can’t I come with you?”
“Because. I said so.”
“But—”
“For once in your life, Harlowe, can you just listen?” she snapped. “Do as you’re told?”
I pouted, but I obeyed. Zephyrine knew why, but I obeyed.
My mother walked away. Didn’t look back. But my father did, and even within the hazy confines of the dream, that simple act took on a life of its own. His brown eyes considered me, vast and deep and wondering.
Goddess, how I wished he hadn’t done it. I wished there hadn’t been a point at which he’d considered returning for me and decided not to.
My mother slapped at the back of his head, and he faced forward again. Blue shadows swallowed them, Da’s white shirt winking out.
I was alone.
I waited there, swatting at bugs and anticipating my parents’ return, until long after the sun set. Even though I knew, deep down, that I’d been abandoned.
The cold hoot of an owl jerked me awake. I heaved upright in bed, my chest surging like a bellows, my skin slicked with sweat. Gods, I hadn’t had that dream in ages. Now I ran my hands down my face, trying to scrub the memories from my skin.
Calm.Breathe.
Somehow, Kyven had slept through my violent awakening. He sprawled beside me like some wayward god, thoughtlessly taking up enough space for his own temple.
Seven hells, but he was beautiful, each bold brushstroke of him like someone’s answered prayer. And I couldn’t handle itright now, not with my nerve endings pruned to rawness by that dream. Not with the stain ofunworthinessleft behind.
No, I needed to get away from him. Go...anywhere else.
I slid from bed, pausing only long enough to grab the throw blanket from the armchair.
Downstairs, in the kitchen, I gulped cold water from the faucet. But the dream still moldered in my throat, rancid and clinging.
Air, then. I needed air.
I hurried back into the hall, pausing when Merron’s door slid from the gloom. Was he still awake? Because if so, I knew of one surefire way to calm the nausea laying siege to my innards.
I got as far as reaching for his doorknob, then froze. No. What was I doing? Last time had ended in disaster, and I refused to sink to that level of selfishness again. Besides, it wasn’thistouch I longed for. It was...
It was...
Well, who knew, but appealing to Merron wasn’t right. I could not,wouldnot, hurt that man any more than I already had.
I snatched my hand away and hurried onward.
Upstairs, on the rooftop, cool night air brushed at my cheeks. The rain had cleared, revealing stippled stars, and I stood at the roof’s edge, my blanket wrapped tight.
Tomorrow, the heat would return with a vengeance, but for now, the swamp glowed beneath a cloudless, moon-chilled sky. Out on the lawn, fireflies danced like amethyst stars.
It was beautiful. And deadly. And a reminder that I needed to hold myself together if I wanted to help Amryssa, not fall apart at the first sign of a nightmare. A perfectly mundane one, at that.
A foot scraped against stone. “Harlowe?”
I whirled. Merron stood beneath the cupola, his arms spread, his nightshirt rippling on the breeze. He looked...terrified.
“Merron? What’s wrong?”
“Don’t,” he choked out. “Please. Just...think about this.”
