An exhale punched out of him. “But I’m not asking for that much. Just for you to let me in, Harlowe. To stop running when I get close.”
“I don’trun.” I thunked the brush down. “How can you even say that? I’m right here. I’vebeenhere. I suffer through these nightmares month after month, year after year. I never even complain.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.” He yanked a hand through his hair, mussing it even more than my groping fingers already had. “You’re so incredibly loyal, it’s what I love about you, but it’s all for Amryssa. Never for me, or even for yourself. It’s like you don’t care that I’ve asked you to leave. You don’t trust that I’d take care of you, but I would. I’d build you a house somewhere. Get you out of Oceansgate, away from Olivian and this half-mad girl he’s hung around your neck. I’d give you everything, if you’d just let me.”
“Amryssa’s not a chore,” I snapped, ignoring the rest. “She’s my friend.”
He shook his head. “She isn’t. She’s never done a thing for you.”
My teeth clamped together. Amryssa had done more for me than anyone else had, including my so-called parents.Especiallymy so-called parents. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?”
“No.”
“Then tell me. Explain this hold she has over you. And why I can’t break it, no matter what I do.”
I stalked to an armchair and pulled a moth-eaten throw off the back, wrapping it around myself despite the sweat dampening my skin. “I don’t owe you my story, Merron. I don’t owe you anything.”
He ground his jaw, visibly frustrated, and I relented.
“Look.” I ventured over and stood between his knees. “You might think you want me, but you don’t. Not really.”
He hooked his hands behind my thighs, not seeming to care that he wore not a single stitch of clothing. Soulful chestnut eyes pleaded with mine. “How can you say that? How can you presume to know what I want better than I do?”
“Because.” I sighed. “If I ran away with you, you’d regret it. Maybe not right away, or even in a year. But eventually, you’d meet some other woman who’s more beautiful and kind-hearted than I am. Someone who’s less work. Less trouble, less...everything. And then I’d become the stone aroundyourneck. This is me doing you a favor, trust me.”
He rested his forehead against my midsection and hugged my legs, nearly toppling me. “You have no idea what you are, do you? Or what we could be if you’d just...try.”
I swallowed thickly and ran my hands through his hair. “You have no idea how misplaced your faith in me is.”
His shoulders bunched as he squeezed me tighter, but nothing much remained for us to say. When he finally let go, I kissed him—a kind of farewell only I understood—and watched him dress. He moved stiffly, hurt rising off him in waves.
Sourness pummeled my stomach, but how could he not realize his devotion was simply bred by circumstance? We were trapped here, repeatedly pushed to the brink of sanity, and it was enough to confuse the best of men. To make anyone who could achieve a basic level of functioning look good.
But if I went with Merron, the adoration in his eyes would inevitably dim. Maybe he’d relish our life, at first. He’d build us a cottage where we would kiss and bicker and fuck like rabbits, but in time, he’d discover my sharp edges. He would come to know the real Harlowe, and his smiles would fade. He’d turn his back at night instead of cradling me in his arms.
He’dleaveme. Even if he didn’t go anywhere.
And I’d had more than enough of that.
So I knelt and helped him with his boots, then resisted when he tried to grab at my waist. This whole thing had been a mistake. I’d let my selfish desires overcome my good sense, and I hated myself for it.
“You should forget me,” I said as he went to the door. “I’m no good for you, Merron. I never will be.”
His jagged expression made it clear I’d just eviscerated him.
Still, I soldiered onward, for his sake, if not my own. “You should escape, like you said. Leave Oceansgate and don’t look back. Go marry some woman who never gets angry and has birthing hips and wants nothing more than to make you armfuls of babies. Someone who actually deserves you.”
He scowled. “Youhave birthing hips.”
A downward glance confirmed my unsettling new narrowness. “Not at the moment.”
“Well,” he said. “Those, you should definitely put back.”
“I will. But right now, you should go lie down. Get some sleep. You’ll feel better afterward, I promise.”
“I’m not giving up, you know,” he said. “Not until you leave Oceansgate without me. Or marry someone else.”
