Family. The way Maya sets down her cross-stitch and puts all her attention on me makes me feel like they all might just be serious.I’m family. I haven’t felt awkward once since arriving yesterday. If anything, they’ve been a little too open at times.Like you’d expect from family. These strangers have opened up their home and hearts so easily, but it doesn’t feel strange. I’m more at home here, in one day, than I’ve ever been in my parents’ house.
“You’ve seen his nervous habit, right?” Maya asks.
“Um…”
“The love songs?”
“Oh.” I laugh. “Yeah, he doesn’t do it as much anymore, but it was all the love ballads every time I got in his car for the first few weeks of the pregnancy.”
“Yeah, he was overwhelmed. He’s been listening to them to calm his nerves since he was little. And I’ve learned enough about you to know you’re not going to ask why, so I’ll just tell you.” Her eyes narrow as she wags a finger at me playfully. “Whenever our birth parents would fight, I’d grab headphones and my portable cassette player, crank it loud, and put Trevor in the closet so he didn’t have to see or hear any of it. The only cassettes I had were ’90s R&B and boy bands. We’ve worked through a ton of shit, but that habit of his is one soothing technique he’s held on to. I’m the one that gave it to him.”
My mouth drops.I’m such a bitch. “Oh my God. I’ve been teasing the hell out of him. If I had known…”
“Hey, don’t feel guilty about not knowing.” She smiles, placing her hand on my knee. “We’ve both been through extensive therapy, and he’s a good sport about it now. He accepts it as a part of his self-regulation toolbox.” After a squeeze, she sits back against the arm of the sofa, getting right into her stitching. “Now, I don’t know how long Nana can keep those girls outside, so let’s get started.”
How can I focus on making tinyx’s in the fabric now? My mind is busy replaying every single time I got into Trevor’s car and rolled my eyes at his music choices. How many times did he hide his overwhelm, all because I was being mean as hell?
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
TREVOR
“Let me grab my camera.” Willa’s burgundy and white sweater dress brushes my hand as she slides past me and hurries up the stairs. It’s Christmas Eve, and I want to show her all the decorations and lights downtown, just the two of us.
I hadn’t planned on spending the entire day away yesterday, but Dad and Eli tricked me. The damn fence was busted beyond repair, requiring us to dig new posts into the frozen ground and replace the barbed wire. Dad and Eli used the six hours to interrogate me about everything from work, to Willa, to asking in-depth questions about how I plan to provide for the baby. They even packed lunch, unbeknownst to me, and grilled me in the truck for an hour while they took their sweet time eating. By the time we got back to the house, it was just long enough to shower and eat an early dinner before heading out to the Christmas Spectacular. Needless to say, Willa and I were both exhausted by the time we laid down for the night.
I grab Willa’s coat and wait for her by the door, eager to take a little breather from my intrusive family. They adore her, and their excitement abounds, butIneed the break. Every year, I seem to forget how much I enjoy my solitude until I don’t have any during my Christmas trip.
“Okay. Ready.” Willa smiles, reaching for her coat.
“You two will be back for the movie, right?” Mom asks, peeking around the corner.
“Yep. Wouldn’t miss it, Ma. Already set an alarm.”
“Good. You kids have fun!” She slips back into the kitchen, where the sound of dinner dishes fills the air.
We make it to the car, the sun painting pink across the cloudless sky as it sets. I crank the heat up high, and Willa blows puffs of air in the residual cold, giggling at the vapor. These past few days have been the most relaxed I’ve ever seen her. She’s downright giddy. “So you’re a cold weather lady, huh?”
“I guess I am. It’s just so peaceful out here, and all the acreage makes it seem even quieter. I love it.”
“The sound waves are sufficient in Nebraska?” I tease.
“Yeah. And the fact that we’re so far from town. The stars are brighter, the air feels cleaner, and the noises here are soothing instead of grating.”
“So when I bring you back next year, you won’t fight me on it?”
“Next year?” She raises her eyebrows playfully.
“I’m pretty sure my family will disown me if I don’t bring you home from now on.”
“I guess you’d better, then…”
“I guess I will, then.” Lacing our fingers, I give hers a squeeze before letting go to put the car in drive. Willa reaches for my hand again, and we settle on the armrest.
Driving back through downtown, I feel lighter than I did when we arrived. This place still holds some painful memories for me, but watching Willa’s wide-eyed joy as we pass by snow-covered parks and trees alight with all sorts of LEDs is worth it. Her smile strikes a spark inside me, illuminating so brightly it forces the harrowing memories into the shadows. I park in front of the library, and as we stroll down Main, my ghosts seem to be chased away by the sound of her laughter. Her excitement makesit easier to ignore my history a couple of blocks away. For the first time in a long time, I’m alright being here.
Camera bolted to her face, Willa crouches, bends, and climbs just to get her shot. Her unbridled passion is mesmerizing. I try to stifle the dopey smile on my face every time she looks at me, but it’s useless. This woman is becoming someone special to me, and not just because she’s carrying my child. The person she is, her intelligence, the soft empathy she holds—my heart is well on its way to making room for her. An oasis. A spot that’s solely hers.What would a life with Willa look like? One where she opens up completely—lets me care for the most sensitive parts of her. A life where we’re together, in all ways, for all time.
“Trev?”
