“Hunt…” She searches my face, her voice full of regret. “Look at me.”
I do, and if she isn’t the most beautiful woman in the entire world, I don’t know who is. I could drown in her. All of her. Suddenly, my hand cups her cheek and I’m drawing her in, brushing my lips against hers. I want this—wanther—more than anything I’ve ever wanted before. She’s a necessity. I’m aching to be the one she leaves the club with and the one she wakes up next to. Hiking dates through the forest and weekly lunch dates in the middle of the workday. The football game with flirty eyes and the water fights while doing dishes. I want it all—with her.
“Hunter…” Her breath stutters as she tries to pull away from our embrace. “W-what are you doing?”
“Ash, I want you.”
Her body goes rigid in my arms, and her gaze drops, leaving my precarious words hanging in the air. “You alreadyhadme. At the lodge.” She shakes her head, and I lift her chin until her eyes meet mine.
“I don’t…mean like that. Ashlie, I want to bewithyou.” Crashing into her lips again, I lose myself in their soft warmth. Her hands snake around my shoulders, nails scratching the back of my head. A quiver dances up my spine as I memorize her touch. She kisses me back, gently at first, then with a desperation that threatens to crack my heart in half from the euphoria.This is really happening.
But then she pulls away, pushing me with a palm on my chest.
“For how long?” she whispers with a fierce indignation that punches me in the gut.
“W-what?”
“How long until you toss me in the pile with the rest of them, Hunter? Huh? And how’s Ava?”
“I…no. I want?—”
“Why now?” The steel in her eyes hits me like a bollard to the chest. “Because Trevor’s in the picture? Is that it?”
“I…don’t know. I just do.”
“You don’tknow?” Her humorless chuckle waves over me as the realization hits that I’m horrible at communicating my feelings. What a shitty time to find out. “We fucked in a cabinone timeand, now,magically,you want?—”
“That was more than justfucking, and you know it.” The spark of frustration that hits when she reduces our night together to one meaningless word makes my head pound. There’s no way in hell she feels that way.
“You’re telling me you want a relationship? When was the last time you had one? Because in the five years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen it.”
“…It’s been a while.”
“When?” She takes a couple of steps back, far enough away that I can’t comfortably keep her in my arms. The full range of her anger glows in her eyes before realization crosses her face. “Don’t tell me it was high school…”
Itwas. Right after my mom left, and I realized I was the only one who could protect that dependent part of myself. “Why does it matter?”
“Because you don’tdothis, Hunter!”
“But I could…maybe…with you.” My mind races to understand everything I’m feeling right now. Hope? Fear? Desperation?Fuck!
“Maybe?” She balks and pokes a finger into my chest. “You think everything’s going to be sunshine and rainbows if I say yes to your ‘maybe’? That’s not enough when I see how you treat every other woman, Hunter!”
Trying to avoid shutting down, I shake my head. I’m losing this battle. “I know it won’t be rainbows all the time. It’ll be scary and frustrating, and we’ll drive each other crazy while we figure it out. But you and I could be great together. Every single ounce of confidence I have knows that life would be amazing with you.”
She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and hangs her head. I give her one, five, ten seconds, and right when I’m about to say something, she whispers, “I can’t do ‘maybes’ anymore, Hunter. Not when there’s someone willing to give me an ‘absolutely.’” She walks to the door, using it as a barrier between us when she opens it. “I want you to leave.”
I nod quietly, my feet shuffling across the room while my brain screams at me to beg her to reconsider.Convince her.Show her you can be whatever she needs. But I don’t.Ican’t. She clearly told me what she wants. I would be just like everyone else if I walked all over it. As much as I don’t want to, I go.
I tried sittingat the beach, hoping the sounds of the waves would help rid me of this pit in my stomach. Sleeping it off at my apartment did nothing but make the black hole exponentially larger. So now I’m here, at the house of my childhood best friend, hoping he can help me categorize the dusty, unused emotions tenderizing my heart. The white Mediterranean-style mansion was my second home growing up, just a few blocks away from Dad’s. Dark barrel tiles line the roof, with four stately columns framing the porch.
Slipping through the side gate, I walk past the covered fountain in the courtyard, going underneath the grand staircase to avoid the pool. When I get to the guest house where Chase and Kayla are staying, I knock with a sigh. Kayla answers, takes one disgusted look at me, and slams the door in my face.Great. She’s already talked to Ashlie, I’m sure. Blowing a breath to the sky, I groan.Fuck this entire day.
The door opens again, with Chase standing to the side, inviting me in. “Hey, man,” he says, closing the door behind me.
“I messed up.”
“Yeah, no shit. Kayla just got back from Ashlie’s place…”
