“Oh yes, you are.” That prompts me to look over my shoulder, just in time to see Jackie put a hand on her hip, making it clear where Ashlie learned the motion. My body tenses, teeth grinding as I listen to this woman tell Ashlie how to live her life. “It’s been your dream since you were little,” Jackie urges.
“No, it’s beenyourdream since I was little. Things change, Mama…”
“If it’s a money thing?—”
“It’s not the money. I just don’t want to go. And I’m not going, so you can stop pressuring me.”
“I’m not pressuring you. I’m trying to keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds. If this is a money thing?—”
“It’snota money thing, Mama.God! You’re not listening to me!” Ashlie’s voice shakes as her volume increases. She’s saying exactly what she wants, and Jackie is stomping all over it like it’s nothing. I bite the inside of my lip to keep my mouth closed, but it’s getting harder to act like I don’t hear what’s going on.
“You better watch who you’re talking to like that.” The authority in Jackie’s voice makes me whip my head back to the sink. “You can’t work at a fitness store forever. What can you possibly gain working there?”
“Happiness, Mama. I’m happy there, and I’m good at it, and I don’t leave in tears every day. I won’t work there forever, but I’m staying for now.”
“You should be in theclassroom. You were a good teacher. Don’t selfishly hide your gifts. Hunter, you tell her. She listens to you.”
My back goes rigid. I wasn’t prepared for a direct call in. Grabbing a hand towel, I take my time drying the water dripping down my forearms before turning to Jackie.
“I think Ashlie has made itunmistakablyclear that she doesn’t want to go, and you can’t accept her no for what it is. You’re putting so much pressure on her to do this thing she has no interest in, she’s having panic attacks about disappointing you. She doesn’t want to, and for that reason alone, I don’t think she should.”
Jackie’s mouth gapes at my boldness, and I turn back toward the sink, glancing at Ashlie as I do. The pure look of shock on her face leaves me feeling satisfied.Someone needed to say it.
“Ashlie, is that true? You’re having panic attacks again?” Jackie asks.
“It’s true, Mom,” Willa says from somewhere behind me. “You and Dad put so much pressure on her. On us both. She hated teaching. If she wants to work in retail forever, that’s something she gets to choose for herself. You need to deal with it.”
“I just want what’s best for you,” Jackie says tearfully. “For both of you.”
“And that’s for us to decide. Not you, and not Dad,” Willa replies.
I hear footsteps retreating, but I don’t know who they belong to until I finish the dishes and turn around.
Ashlie’s leaning against the island, in the exact spot as our first night here, as beautiful as ever. The mood is different, but she looks just the same, biting her thumbnail with a timid stare through her lashes. “Thank you,” she whispers.
“Hey.” I shrug, taking the few steps to stand in front of her. “I got you. Always.” Raising my fist, I knock it lightly into the hand she’s holding up to her mouth. I smile until she smiles back, and I feel like we’re closer to the friends-who-don’t-talk-about-that-night than we have been in days.This is for the best.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
ASHLIE
Me
Merry Christmas, Hunt!
Surviving the fam?
“This is so bizarre,” Willa whispers, unwrapping another gift. I glance at her as she juts her chin toward our parents. With their feet propped up on their worn brown recliners, they squint at the instructions for their new fitness trackers. My eyes wander to the old family picture hanging over the brick mantle. I think that might have been the last time we were all together like this. It’s nice having the four of us under one roof again. Weird, since it hasn’t happened for ten years, but still nice. “They haven’t asked us any questions about life in LA.”
“Huh,” I say distractedly, turning back to my laptop. “You’re right.” I’ll lose my nerve if I don’t focus on the swim director application on the screen. Ever since we got here, I’ve been working up the courage to fill it out. I think when I stood my ground with grad school, and Hunter and Willa backed me up, it gave me the little bit of confidence I needed to open the email again. Granted, I’ve stared at the blank form for two days now, nervous as hell.
Here we go…
I type my name into the first box and get a rush.My name is in there.I actually did it. I stifle the excited yip in my throat, keeping this milestone to myself for now. Feeling unstoppable, I cruise through the personal information section like I’ve never been anxious a day in my life. And then it asks about my prior swimming experience.
A thick coil forms in my throat, my stuttered breath racing along with my pounding heart. My eyes flick to the bookshelf where my old medals hang around a few small trophies, and I cringe.You’re not that person anymore. I quietly close my laptop and move it to the end table as a dark realization settles over me.Who was I kidding? I can’t even look at a pool, let alone teach someone else to swim.You’re such a disappointment.
“You don’t think this is weird?” she whispers, snapping me out of my quick spiral. “It’s been five days, and everything is still light and fluffy…”
