Fin
Regardless of how much I’d longed to be a singer when I was a kid, walking out on stage for real as an adult to front a band terrified me. Gone was all the bravado of performing to my reflection in the mirror. And after the barrage of insults flung at me during the ill-timed conversation with my dad, all I felt like doing was running for the highlands. But as I walked out there and the crowd erupted—a crowd that had come to seemyband bychoice—the unpleasant words of Campbell Hunter that had been rattling around my brain dissipated into the noise within the room and were replaced by the sound of whooping and cheering.
His words eventually meant nothing.
The first song was a great way to stick up two fingers to the man who had never believed in me. Never supported me in anything I wanted to do. And never told me he loved me in a direct sentence. He wasn’t going to stop me. And as the intro began, my mask descended and I became the other version of myself. My own alter ego. It was the most bizarre feeling; almost indescribable. It was as if my body was possessed by the spirit of arealperformer and I suddenly forgot I was shy as I let him take the reins.
It was hard to believe this was our first real gig. We just...gelled. The music flowed and we had fun playing up to the audience and to each other. Time flew by, and before I knew it, we were coming to the end of our set.
I added a song into the set at short notice and figured I’d get a strip torn off me later for mucking up the set list, but when I approached Nate on stage about singing ‘It’s My Life’, he was enthusiastic about the choice. I said I’d explain later, but he told me there was no need, I’d just had to sing my heart out. And so I did. It was time to let go and move on. I knew there was a long way to go until I would be completely free of my anger, but I was prepared to try andthatwas progress.
Second to last, we played the song that had taken root in my heart along with the girl it reminded me of. And as I sang the words to her, Star’s eyes sparkled up at me from where she sat, camera in hand. The look of pride I saw reflected back at me made my heart soar. Why should I care that my so-called father didn’t care for my new hobby? The woman I was falling for thought it was great. In that moment, I realised that if I couldn’t win my father’s love then at least I had the support of the family I had chosen for myself. My friends. And as much as it hurt to know that no matter what I did, Campbell Hunter would never tell me he loved me, I knew I was surrounded by more love than I knew how to handle.
At the end of the set, the place erupted in applause and whistles. Two encores later, I managed to leave the stage and ruffle a fresh towel over my sweat-soaked, shaggy hair, as my T-shirt was soaked. The guys were buzzing, and I must admit, the feeling of adrenaline coursing through my veins was one of the best emotional highs I had ever experienced.
I’m sure you can guess what it came a close second to.
Once we were calmed and packed up, I began to make my way over to Star and Tom, but I was enveloped in a group hug by more of my friends who had turned up for the show. But the one person I wanted to see was Star. I glanced over to where she sat, still snapping shots of me, and smiled.
I thanked my well-wishers and made my way towards her again when I spotted my brother and sister-in-law. ‘I didn’t think you’d be able to make it!’ I told Callum as I hugged him hard.
‘And miss you sticking the proverbial two fingers up at Dad? Not a chance. I always knew you were good bro, but bloody hell, who knew you werethisgood?’
‘We’re so proud of you!’ Tori said, eyes glistening with tears. ‘I’ve never seen you as happy. You were amazing!’
‘Thanks so much. That means the world to me. Hey, you must come and say hi to Star.’ I turned to lead them to where my muse was sitting but I was stopped in my tracks by a woman I recognised from the TV. My heart jumped into my mouth as she held out a digital recorder.
‘Hi Fin, I’m Lily Macrae from Scotland Today. I’m covering for my friend who edits Edinburgh Nights Magazine as a wee favour. Although I’m glad I accepted now. That was awesome. I’d like to ask you a few questions if you don’t mind?’
‘Thanks. And aye, I know who you are. Fire away.’
36
Star
Watching Fin get the recognition he deserved was a beautiful sight. He was hugged and patted on the back more times than I could count. I observed the whole thing through my lens and shot as many frames as I could, making sure I captured as much of the night as possible. The change in him was so clear to me. His whole demeanour had altered since he stepped out into the audience, closing himself back inside his shy exterior shell and bowing his head as people rained compliments down on him, unable to acknowledge he was as good as they were telling him he was. His posture was a little more hunched, as if he was trying to become less conspicuous. That’s the good thing with being an observer; nothing much passed by me.
Suddenly, he stopped paying attention to the crowd of well-wishers and glanced in my direction. The expression that appeared on his face was one of those heart melting half smiles that made my insides turn to mush.
It was meant just for me.
And I felt it right down to my core. To my soul. I lowered my camera to take in the sight of him with my own eyes. It was like he was the calm in the eye of the storm. I wanted him. Desperately. But I had to accept that he had a serious fan base that was unwilling to let him go just yet, and so I adored him from across the crowded room like some poor heroine in a romance novel. I watched as he hugged a man who looked a lot like him but slightly older. I guessed it was his brother, Callum and that the petite brunette with him was Tori. Butterflies took flight in my stomach. No doubt I was going to meet them very soon.
Fin turned with determination, but his attempts to reach me were halted again when a familiar-looking woman with long dark wavy hair caught his attention. I watched as his eyes widened and he gawked at her. She held up a recording device and seemed to be interviewing him. Wow, he really was living the dream. After a few minutes he grinned at her as she shook his hand and left.
When he eventually reached me, his cheeks were flushed. I parted my thighs where I sat so he could step into the gap I’d created, and after kissing my cheek he gestured in the direction of the woman’s retreating form.
‘Did you see? Did you see who that was?’ His eyes were wide like a kid on Christmas, and I couldn’t help smiling.
I shook my head. ‘She looked kinda familiar but—’
‘It was Lily bloody Macrae, Star. I was just interviewed by Lily bloody Macrae.’ He shook his head in bewilderment as it dawned on me who she was.
But I was confused. ‘Isn’t she the broadcaster from Scotland Today on TV?’
He nodded emphatically. ‘Yes. Yes, it is her. And she interviewed me.’
His enthusiasm was sweet and endearing. ‘Well… that’s just great, Fin.’ I hugged him tight.
