He lifted his gaze and a sweet, coy smile played on his lips. ‘Would that be me, by any chance?’
I pulled a silly face. ‘Um... duh! Of course it was you. I used to look forward to seeing you every morning. Well, that is until the day you told me you were getting married. You seemed a little different on that day. Changed somehow.’
He faked a shiver. ‘Hmm. Well, now I know that kind of change isnotgood, I’ll be sticking with myusualroutine from Monday, so you can expect me at theusualtime.’
I scrunched my brow. ‘But... won’t that mean you take a detour each morning? McKendrick’s building is way across the city.’
He reached out and took my hand. Shrugging, he looked directly into my eyes, searing me with his intense blue gaze. ‘It’ll be worth it.’
My insides disintegrated to mush.
20
Fin
I sat there feeling like a total numpty. I had just said the soppiest thing imaginable to the girl who had stolen my heart. Some crap about it being worth it to make a detour to go buy coffee from her on a morning when I started my new job the following Monday. I was on the verge of taking it all back and making some inane joke when a sweet smile slowly stretched across her kissable lips. I hesitated.
She squeezed my hand. ‘Oh, Fin. That’s probably the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.’Seriously?‘Just to know that you would evensuggestit... I can’t tell you how... ugh... words fail me.’
I heaved a relieved sigh. ‘Thank goodness. I was sure you were going to tell me I’m a pathetic wuss and you’d go off to vomit.’
She shook her head. If it hadn’t been for the dim lighting, I felt sure I would have seen a pink tinge to her cheeks.
She laughed. ‘Not at all. It’s really sweet. But you don’t have to do that. Cut all the way across town. I mean, I don’t expect—’
‘No, Iwillbe calling. I’ve already made up my mind.Everyday. Now, I don’t want to be having to wheel your ego home in a cart again but... well, you do make the best coffee in Edinburgh. Even if you don’t drink the stuff yourself.’
She fluttered her eyelashes dramatically. ‘Well, now the gentleman doth flatter the lady.’
I chuckled at her response as she threw my own playfulness back at me. ‘The gentleman doth speak the truth.’ A gruff voice came over the P.A. system and announced it was my turn to sing.
Crap. What had I done? ‘Ah. I think it’s time for the gentleman to get on stage and maketh a titteth of himself.’ I stood and gazed down at her mirth-filled eyes as she laughed. She had the best bloody laugh I’d ever heard.
I made my way to the stage, my heart pounding at my ribs, and my throat suddenly as arid as a desert floor. Would I even getthrougha song without alcohol? I wasn’t sure at that point. The MC handed me a cordless mic and I took my place centre stage. The opening bars of David Bowie’s ‘Changes’ began to play, and I swallowed, willing some moisture to appear from somewhere so that the notes would make it past my voice box. It was a song that had garnered new meaning lately. The lyrics, well my own interpretation of them at least, made me think of my life. Nervously, I peered out at the audience silhouetted by the bright lights boring into me from overhead. I knew where Star was seated but I couldn’t make her out, which, I surmised, was probably a good thing. I may have walked off the stage and done a runner if I’d caught her gaze right then.
As the intro finished, I closed my eyes as the lyrics spilled from my lips almost of their own accord. I immediately relaxed and my grip on the mic loosened a little. Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared out at the crowd as the music vibrated through my bones, building, ready to carry me away. As if in some kind of trance, my feet moved and that was it... I was gone.
I had changed.
The stage persona had thrust his way to the front of my psyche, and I took charge of the stage like some rock star. It was amazing. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, as I let the emotion flow through me and out via my vocal chords. I could feel the smile on my face widening and a weight lifted from me. It had to be the best natural high I’d experienced. Well, after spending time with Star, that is. But my being up there was really down to her.
The crowd began to move and clap along, and although they were someone else’s words, the lyrics really spoke to me, I felt them deeply. And Star had been instrumental in the transformation I was undergoing. I couldn’t believe I had almost let this chance pass me by, just because she didn’t fit the mould I had been trying to squeeze myself into for so long. Who the hell wants to be a carbon copy anyway? And who wants to spend their life trying to please someone who is inherently un-pleasable? I didn’thaveto be what they wanted. I didn’thaveto see things how they did. I was my own person. I was in charge of my own destiny. And if I played things right I would have my very own lucky Star. Thanks to her I had taken the first step to being the me I had wanted to be all along. I was stepping into the unknown but all I knew at that moment was that it was going to be so much better there.
21
Star
Once again, I watched in awe as Fin’s alter ego took up residence on the stage. He simply lit the place up. There was no doubt about it; the man could certainly sing and I loved the song choice. And seeing that transformation from shy sweet Fin to stage persona was like nothing on earth. Goosebumps covered my skin as I watched his mouth form every single word. It was as if he really believed every one of Bowie’s lyrics as he belted out the song and strutted around the stage, commanding the audience like a natural born performer. My heart skipped a beat as I watched proudly. I knew he couldn’t really see me; the lights were pretty darn bright up there. But at one point, he seemed to look right at me, and a shiver tickled its way down my spine like he had physically touched me.
He. Was. Amazing.
The song ended and Fin stood there, head back, eyes closed, chest heaving and a serene smile on his gorgeous face. If there hadn’t been such a large, loud audience, I would have been up there kissing the lips that had just imparted such powerful words as if they were his own. The crowd erupted, and the raucous noise was almost ear-splitting. They certainly appreciated him. There was no doubt about it. But as if waking from a trance, he dropped his face to the crowd and a look of alarm spread across his features. His eyes widened as whoops and cheers were shouted from every corner.
Lifting the mic to his mouth once more, he muttered, ‘Th-thank you,’ before sliding the mic in the stand and hurrying off. He didn’t come back right away, and I worried again that he had taken off, considering the rabbit-in-headlights look on his face as he took the stairs down from the stage.
After around ten minutes, he plonked himself down beside me and heaved a huge sigh. ‘Well, that was fun.’ The words were what I expected, but the tone seemed rather sarcastic.
I turned to face him. ‘You don’t sound convinced.’
