Greg waited for her to leave the room until he punched his pillow several times, whispering expletives as he did so. Why was he such an arse where she was concerned? He slammed his body back into the mattress and wondered why he couldn’t be a better man around her. Huffing at himself, he unsteadily climbed out of bed and went to the shower.
*
Mallory found all the necessary items she needed to make fresh coffee, not instant. Although, she didn’t much care that he didn’t like her coffee this morning. He’d have to put up with it.
When he was freshened up, Greg sheepishly came downstairs in his jogging bottoms and nothing else. She turned her head towards him. His dark, shaggy hair was damp. He smiled but she turned away. Slowly, he walked over to her and, standing behind her, kissed the top of her head as she looked out of the kitchen window at his pretty, well-tended garden. Surprised at the gesture he made, she turned to face him. His torso was still glistening a little from his shower and she felt an unwelcome aching deep inside her. Confusion clouded her mind as she tilted her chin to look at him. He was too close for comfort.
‘Iamsorry I kissed you,’ he whispered.
Butterflies set about dancing in her stomach which angered her. ‘Y-yes, so you said.’ She felt an almost overwhelming urge to lick the droplets on his chest and scrunched her eyes to try and liberate herself from her unwanted thoughts.
‘But… I’m only sorry because I know you don’t feel the way I do.’ He stroked her cheek. ‘If I thought for a second you felt the same…’ His expression was sad, pained almost.
Mallory stuttered, ‘I-I don’t understand.’ But really she did. How could she not? He was making things very clear.
He clenched his jaw. ‘Mallory, do I have to spell it out for you? I’ve wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you in the pub. I was angry with myself for wanting you. It was too soon. I was still grieving. I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I couldn’t help it.’
She could feel his breath on her face as he looked down at her. He smelled of cologne and mint.
She swallowed as her heart rate increased. ‘But… but you said you were happy to be friends. You were so sincere. I-I believed you.’ Her legs had turned to jelly and heat radiated from his body, making her cheeks flush with warmth.
‘I tolerate being only friends. If I’m completely honest, I want more. Much more. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. Can’t you find room for me in your heart?’ He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.
She was so confused; both by how her body was reacting to himandby his words. She longed to touch his muscular arms, to feel them around her, to trace the tattoo on his chest and kiss it.It’s wrong to lust after another man so soon,half her subconscious screamed.
‘I can’t, Greg, it’s not right,’ she breathed.
But the other half of her subconscious was screaming,kiss me, just kiss me dammit!She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable. It didn’t happen.
*
Greg looked down at her standing there with her eyes closed. Her chest heaved as her breathing became irregular. She looked terrified. He hated that. It made him feel nauseated that she could be scared of him. But then he looked at how they were standing. Mallory was backed up against the work surface, unable to move, her hands clenched in front of her. He was about an inch away from her, looming down over her like some menace. He disgusted himself. She opened her eyes as he gazed down at her with an intense stare. His jaw still clenched. Tension wracked his body.
‘I know… You don’t have to worry, I won’t say anything again.’ He stepped away from her, shaking. ‘You’d maybe better go, I think I’ve said enough.’ His voice was low and filled with sadness. What had he expected to happen, really?Idiot.
‘Greg, please, I’m still grieving. It’s too soon. Please don’t be upset with me. I couldn’t bear to lose you.’ A sob broke free and she covered her mouth as if to stop it but was too late.
Looking at her from under his lowered eyes, he spoke as calmly as he could. ‘But I’m not yours to lose… and you’re not mine.’ The words were painful to utter but true. ‘Just go, eh?’ He tried to smile but couldn’t and knew at that moment that shutting her out was only self-preservation but she wouldn’t see it that way. She would see him rejecting her as a friend simply because he wanted more.Selfish bastard.With all his heart, he wanted to make her happy, ease her pain. He wanted those feelings to be mutual. But they weren’t.
*
Mallory rushed for the door; unsure as to what had just happened. A terrifying sense of loss once again washed over her. She was torn between running back into his arms and kissing him, or running away and getting on a plane to Canada or a train to Yorkshire.
She summoned up some strength from somewhere and turned to him once more. ‘Greg, you’re my closest friend here. If I don’t have you then I may as well go home, back to Yorkshire.’
He turned his lips up into a menacing grimace. ‘I don’t do ultimatums,’ he stated coldly.
‘Please don’t be like this,’ she pleaded. What else could she do?
He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again his gaze had softened. ‘Mallory. We’ve reached an impasse. I want what you can’t give. Enough said. It’s over. I can’t pretend to be just friends with you anymore,’ he choked on his words. ‘Now for fuck’s sake just go!’
She ran to her car and started the engine. She looked back at the house hoping for a glimpse of him coming out to chase after her. To apologise and take back what he had said. She waited. He never came.
*
‘You fucking IDIOT!’ Greg shouted as he slammed his fist into the wall. Tears sprang to his eyes caused by a combination of physical pain from the impact and emotional pain from the realisation of what he had just allowed to happen. He had just practically jettisoned the best friend he’d ever had. Theonlyperson he could actually call ‘friend.’ He stomped over to the window. Her car was still there. Why? What was she doing? Should he go out to her? God, he wanted to go out to her so much. His fists clenched.
He went to the door but stopped when he heard the engine of her silly little car start up. She was so going to need a bigger car come winter. That is if he hadn’t just scared her away; which he most probably had, after all shehadsaid she might as well return to Yorkshire. And maybe when all’s said and done that would be the best thing for everyone.Well done Greg. You’ve really done it this time, you fucking arsehole,he mentally persecuted himself, knowing full well that if shedidleave it would break his heart.
