“Trina is 16, baby. She has a key. She is fine.”
“I know, but,”
“Stop worrying. Her last report card came in great. She is on track.” I soothed.
“Yeah, that report came in because you promised her a car if she keeps it up. I can’t believe you told her that.” She swayed in my arms easily as she spoke.
“I told her because that’s what I’m gone do. Sometimes positive reinforcement works. Y’all been through a lot of shit. It’s time for some wins.”
“Oh, and what about MJ?” She tried to push me in the chest to create separation, but I held on.
“He is fine in the corner playing around the kids. Chante’s mom is over there monitoring. Any more questions, pretty?”
“No.” She smiled bashfully. “This is so beautiful. I guess it’s really time for us to get to the good part in life.”
“Yeah, just one more thing,” I said
“No, baby. Don’t think you have to rush things between us. I under—”
“Nothing we could do would ever be a rush. I’m ready for everything that comes with you, but today we honor our friends. I’m talking about my father. I’m going to see him.” I cut in.
She rested her head on my chest, and calm spread through me. “That will be good for you, baby. Just remember to get what you need from it. Ask those questions and accept the answers.”
“As long as I have you, what else could I ever need?”
She blushed, and I kissed her right in the middle of the dance floor.
***
An unfamiliar feeling settled within me as I waited in the visiting area at ADX Supermax. I had never been here, and in only a few seconds, I could feel the depression and sinking feeling radiating through the place. It was like the souls in here were crying out to me before anyone even said a word. I focused on the clarity I desperately needed. My father. A man whom I heard so much about. His actions I knew vividly, his presence not so much. I wanted to be pissed off that he didn’t want me here, but once I stepped foot inside, I understood why.
This was no place for a child. This was no place for anyone. Yet, I needed to do this for me. I tilted my head back against the cold brick wall in the waiting room. It was just me and one other visitor here. Many people in this facility were overlooked. The inmates were lifers, and a lot of people will tell you plenty of shit. Truth be told, life was still turning outside of these doors, and it was easy to forget someone who had no out.
“Let’s go!” A bulky ass security guard sauntered over and stopped in front of me with his arms folded. He had to be about 5'8" and weigh around 350 pounds. He was hardened from dealing with the population in here, but I didn’t appreciate his rough ass disposition. I understood this wasn’t the place to flex, so I stood to my feet and followed behind him. I had already been processed and checked in before I stepped into the waiting area, and now they were leading me to see my father. After walking for some time, we found ourselves in a cold, empty room with one table and two chairs. There was a guard in the corner whose eyes were glued to me.
“Are you Ice’s son?” The guard who led me in asked. I just looked at him. I didn’t owe this muthafucka no conversation. I was here for what I was here for. When I didn’t answer, he smiled at me sarcastically.
“I bet you those lips loosen up when yo ass gets locked up behind these walls. It’s only a matter of time before I see you again.”
I ignored him. I’m sure he thought we all were the same. Pops had quite a name for himself. A part of me was jealous. I couldn’t say I wasn’t disappointed by his absence because I was. I get it. There isn’t much he could have done from here physically, but he at least could have tried. He could’ve reached out. He could’ve written to me. I navigated my own life while trying to become a man. The task was accomplished, but damn, wasn’t it a hard pull that could’ve been made much easier through his guidance. Even from here, his words could’ve been impactful. Instead, he robbed me of his presence. Even though I understood, I couldn’t quite forgive it. Before I could go down the rabbit hole of my feelings too long, I saw him being led to me on the other side of the glass. He was shackled on his wrists, legs, and stomach. When he came across the threshold of the door, his chains were removed.
Some shit happened in my chest that I had never felt before.
A bit of fear washed over me. I was his carbon copy. The same height. His build was bulkier, but damn sure had the same face. His features were made rugged by time, but there was no denying who I was to him. He walked to the table and sat on the opposite side. For a moment, we just took each other in. I found myself trying to find a place for my hands as they began to fidget too much. I stuffed them in my pockets to try to bring them into subjection. I was nervous as hell and had no idea where to start.
“Why,” I started, but he cut me off quickly.
“Because I had to. Because it was what was best for you and your mother. Leaving you and your mother was the hardestthing I've ever done, but it was the easiest decision I've ever had to make.” His eyes pierced mine, and his tone was serious. “But I never left you. I was there even when I couldn’t be there physically. I made sure you were surrounded. The crown you wear is one that was passed down to you from me. You a hard nigga in your own right, but you had some help along the way. Plus, you already started with a target on your back because of me. I couldn’t allow you to come here because the life I led created a lot of allies, but it also created enemies. I would have been less of a man to allow you and your mother to be vulnerable to that when I wasn’t out there to protect you. But the people who owed me loyalty stayed close to you. And now you can stand on your own. That’s the only reason I allowed this.”
“And Slash?” I might as well get all the answers while I'm here.
“That muthafucka always wanted to be me. He was nothing but a jealous nigga, and I should have seen the snake in him. That was my fuck up. Brother or not, my biggest regret was not putting that nigga in the dirt. But he is a memory, and it was poetic justice that his own son killed him.”
My eyes bucked at his revelation. Even I didn’t know that was what happened. That shit was crazy. Kole killed his own father. My uncle. Damn!
“These streets in here ain’t too far removed from the ones you walk on, son.”
“I see.”
