“I’ll be back home in about an hour. Let me handle it.”
I didn’t want to speak on it further. I had this feeling of failure. I was trying to juggle so much shit at once, and I wasn’t doing any of it well enough in my estimation. That same feeling of being lost on what the following steps to take were washed over me. For the first time in my adult life, I found myself thinking about visiting my father. I may have never said it aloud,but I wanted and needed guidance. All I had was myself to fall back on, and all my family had was me. I wouldn’t crumble. I wasn’t built that way.
I watched Dyami’s car as I trailed behind her. She turned onto the ramp at her job while I followed behind. When she got out of the car, we began walking to the hospital's door. Silently, I looped her hand in mine.
“Thanks for being real enough to tell me how you felt instead of some shit I wanted to hear,” I said, looking forward.
“I want you to know I believe in you, Marcos. I always have. You are so smart, baby.” Her voice was so gentle. Caring in a way I hadn’t even experienced her yet.
“I know you do, and I know I am. I feel like people tell me that shit all the time. I’m figuring everything out as I go, but sometimes I feel like things aren’t coming together fast enough.”
“Is this about what I said before we left? I’m sorry I am pressuring you. Follow me as long as you need to. Baby, I wasn’t complaining.” She was talking fast, and we were almost to the front door.
“It’s not. It’s cool. Have a good day at work, baby.” I bent my head down for a kiss, and she stepped back. I almost growled. I felt like a touch from her would’ve soothed everything.
“What’s it about then?” She took both my hands in hers. I tried to shake it off, but she looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes. She knew when I was trying to hide.
“I was just thinking about my pops. Most people don’t say it, but it’s hard to know what’s right when you didn’t have the guidance. I’m a man all day, but I can’t discount that it was some vital shit I had to learn on my own that I haven’t mastered yet.”
“Your father isn’t dead.” She spoke gently.
“He never asked for me, either. Never called me.”
“It’s not about what he did. It’s about what you need. You need clarity, even if it’s just one conversation.” She was penetrating me, so I looked away.
“Hey, girl. We back up in this thang, I guess.” Chante cut into our conversation, and I saw Chubby lagging behind her slightly.
“I guess so.” Dyami turned to her brightly.
“Come on, before we are late.” Chante pranced to Chubby and kissed him. Dyami did the same to me while Chubby and I lagged back, and they were allowed inside the doors. Chubby turned and walked back to his car, and I jogged to catch up.
“Wait up, Bruh,” I called.
“It’s been a long night, T,” Chubby said, slightly irritated.
“I know. I just wanted to apologize again for what happened with the restaurant.”
“It ain’t your fault. It’s not like you knew some shit like that was gone pop.”
“But didn’t I?” I questioned.
“What you mean? Nigga you knew about this shit?” His face was full of hurt and betrayal, and the words Dyami said hit home. This had been his dream since he was a kid, and he was a damn good chef.
“Not directly, but with the shit I’m into, ain’t no way it can’t spill over.”
Chubby waved his hand.
“We can’t talk about the past, bruh. We have insurance. We just rebuild and go from there.” Chubby’s words were strong, but his face showed me all I needed to know.
“We do have insurance, but I gotta move out the way. When everything gets rebuilt, I’m turning over my part of the company to you.”
“What?” Chubby stepped back and looked at me.
“I am. This is your dream. I can’t get in the way again. Everything associated with me has to be removed. I’ll rebuild it, and you go from there.”
“That shit sound crazy.”
“Nah, that shit sound right,” I replied.
