Page 57 of Always Been You


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I couldn’t rest for another second. I was about to get the fuck out of here and handle business. The issue was pressing on me like the weight of the world, and until everything was handled, I couldn’t feel at peace. I slowly sat up, bracing the bandage that was on my side, and swung my feet off the bed. I began taking all the IVs out, which made the monitors go haywire. That alerted my mom, and she stirred in her chair. When she fixed her eyes on me, she jumped up and tried to get me back in bed.

“Marcos! No, baby, what are you doing?” She was frantic.

“Where’s MJ?”

“He’s at my house with Cry…” She trailed off. Her words rattled me so bad I felt like my head was about to pop off my shoulders. I was so pissed. I didn’t want her anywhere near my fucking child anymore. Mother or not. This bitch really got down on me. She knew the whole time. I could tell when I was looking into her eyes at her house. She used me in the worst way, and she was going to have to get hers. Fuck that!

“You betta get that bitch out yo’ house, momma. She is a dead woman,” I said, standing.

“Don’t say that! Don’t talk like that here, and you will not do that, Marcos. She told me everything, and yes, she is very wrong, but—"

“MAN FUCK THAT! AAAHHH SHIT!!!” I swung my body to try to get around my mother, and I felt like a million knives pierced my skin. I had been shot in the leg before, but I had never experienced pain like this. My mom’s hands shot up to brace me from tripping and busting my ass on the cold hospital floor.

“Marcos, you don’t need to go to a damn place. They stitched you up two hours ago. Thankfully, the bullet went straight through and didn’t hit any organs. You need to stay here until you heal.”

“As long as that bitch is breathing, I ain’t sleeping for shit,” I growled, and she pursed her lips together as if she was thinking of what she could say to calm me down.

“You can’t say things like that! Especially here,” she said, looking around because she knew I was dead serious. I had never had someone violate me in that way, and there was no way in hell I could let this shit stand. I wasn’t about to argue about it. As much as I loved and respected my mom, she couldn’t stop it either. This hate that I felt was in my veins. She lied about the one thing I cared about with every fiber of my being.

“I’m leaving,” I spoke in finality.

She looked at me with pleading eyes for a moment. When she saw that I wouldn’t waiver, she dropped her head to the ground. She took a deep breath and began gathering our things. Ten minutes later, we were on the highway. She spent a lot of the ride in silence. I’m sure she didn’t know what to say. She knew about the whole situation, and I had no intention of rehearsing that shit. The only time I spoke was when she tried to get off on the exit to take me home. I told her I wanted to go to her house. She tried to argue with me, but I killed that conversation by telling her I was coming anyway. She was only delaying theinevitable for fifteen minutes if she dropped me off at home. Her words began to flow like lava then.

“I know you are upset, but you need to think about what you’re saying, baby. She is wrong. She was very wrong, but she is still MJ’s mother. You can’t harm her.”

“If she were any type of mother, she wouldn’t have had MJ in that situation! I ate a bullet for MJ. She sat there like a fucking deer in headlights. She ain’t no type of mother to sit there and think of herself at a moment like that!”

“I understand, I really do. She is dead ass wrong, baby. But I couldn’t let her and MJ stay in the street after what happened. I didn’t do that for her. I let them stay for my grandbaby. Whoever this man is who tried to hurt you could come back and hurt MJ. She called me when everything happened, and I made sure to tell her to come so she could be safe. I couldn’t be the cause of something happening to her in my house. You can’t do anything to that woman, Marcos.” I saw tears start to well up in her eyes. I hated to see her cry.

“I’m not blaming you for anything. You did what you felt was right, and that’s what I’m going to do as well,” I said with finality.

“Damn it, boy! You are just like your father.”

“Yeah, well, where is he?” I shot back.

A silence fell so thick between us that I felt like we both were choking. She knew I could do everything I said I would. I didn’t tell my mother everything, but she knew exactly who I was and what I did. She didn’t approve of it, just like any other mother wouldn’t. She just realized it was my choice, and I had always been headstrong since I was a kid.

I scoffed—my father’s son.

Her hands shook visibly as she turned down the street to her house. Her final attempt was a dagger straight through my heart.

“Whether you forgive her or not is not the issue. And trust me, I understand that you may not have it in you to forgive her at this point. With all that being said, she is valuable to MJ. Mothers aren’t perfect, trust me, I know, and she made some terrible and trifling ass decisions. At the end of it all, she is still his mother. Yes, he may be able to live without his mother if absolutely necessary. The question is, can he live with the father who he knows killed her?” She put the car in park and quickly got out of the vehicle.

I fought within myself, hearing her last words. I could be there for him. I could be everything my son needed. But how would he feel about me? Could he ever forgive me if he did find out? Kids don’t understand how fucked up a parent is. All they know is love. I knew that by the way he looked at me. He had no idea his father was a killer or a street nigga. All he knew was that I was his hero.

I shook my head while I felt my resolve crumble. I couldn’t risk breaking my relationship with him. Even if he never found out, carrying a secret like that would kill me. Nothing was going to come between him and me. No matter what any paperwork said, MJ was my son. I damn sure was gonna kill that nigga Kole, and I wouldn’t leave him out here to face the world alone. I prayed he would understand that part because there was no getting around it. That decision was irrevocable. Crystal, I may be able to let her live, but she wouldn’t be anywhere near me. I hated a lot of things. Nothing more than her at this moment. I didn’t think I could ever forgive her ass. I threw my head back against the seat and let out a smalllaugh. The very thing that I was about to kill her behind, saved her life. She could continue to breathe, that’s it, though.

After a few minutes, I stepped out of the car. I felt my body stiffen with every step toward the house. I wasn’t ready to see her. I didn’t know how I would react. I never hit a woman before, but it was going to take every bit of restraint I possessed not to knock her shit loose. What kind of low ass female lets a nigga invest his whole life into a child that may not be his? She knew exactly what she was doing, so I had no sympathy for what I was about to do. I wouldn’t kill her, but any funding was cut the fuck off immediately.

I snatched the door open, and she was sitting there on the couch looking stupid as hell. I felt for my gun on instinct. Remembering it wasn’t there, I made a mental note to locate it and get it from her. I didn’t trust her for shit, so I didn’t know what she would do with it.

“Terror, I’m so sorry!” She came to me.

“Save that shit! All you can do for me is tell me where the fuck my gun is and get the fuck out of my presence!”

“No Terror, please calm down. I gave everything to Ms. Lyn to handle. I knew exactly how to handle things. I know you mad, baby, and I’m so sorry, but if you forgive me, I promise we can get through this,” she approached me and began to sob. Her eyes were bloodshot red, and her face was full of tears. This bitch really had some nerve to be crying in front of me like it was going to move me. Shit, I was the one who had their whole life flipped upside down. She wasn’t sorry, she just knew she was ass out. Everything I thought was true could be a lie, and she is the one crying? She couldn’t even protect MJ. I was the one who stepped up and sacrificed myself. My body caught lead for him. Bruh, fuck this bitch!

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” I jerked from her when she reached for me. She made a big, dramatic scene by falling to the ground like I knocked her ass out, like I imagined. I couldn’t take this behavior she was displaying. Once she hit the floor, still crying like a fool, my mom came flying out of the back room like a maniac.