“Smart, funny, a great basketball player.” She nods at another grape. “Good in science. And just a nice guy.” I catch the glance she slants at me. “Mike Cavendish seems like a nice guy.”
“I used to think so.”
She waits, but I can out-wait her, at least thus far.
“Didn’t you tell him?” she asks finally.
“Tell him what?”
“Mom! I don’t think he knows about me. You should have told him.”
I’m not going to lie to Sierra about this. She’s never asked who her dad was or where he was and the discussion feels past due. “You’re right. It was him.” Her eyes light with triumph that she’s worked this confession out of me. “And I told him. Right away. I wrote then and I wrote when you were born. I still write every year on your birthday and he has nevereveranswered me. Today, he acted like he never got those letters,but I know he did.” I can’t tell her about the phone conversations with Patrick Cavendish. He was so awful but he admitted that Mike got the letters. “I can’t explain his attitude but there it is.”
She chews a grape slowly. “Maybe he didn’t want to be a dad.”
“Very few eighteen-year-olds do, I suspect, but that doesn’t keep them from…” I bite my tongue, remembering a bit late who I’m talking to.
That’s the thing. We’re often more like friends than parent and child, especially in the last few years.
Sierra grins. “I know where babies come from, Mom.”
“I hope that’s theoretical knowledge, Ms. Kincaid.”
I get an eye roll for that, then she lifts her hands. “Hello, Health Ed. is mandatory, Mom,” she says. “Of course, I had to have a dad and you never said he was dead. We’ve never been able to afford any of the cool stuff and I know that’s because you left Empire with me in your belly.”
Guilt stabs through me. “I did the best I…”
She halts me with a gesture. “I know. And you rock.” She surveys the kitchen. “I always wondered why we didn’t just stay with Una.”
“That would have been complicated.” Last I heard, Mike was getting married. I didn’t want to come to Empire and have front row seats to that show.
“We could have come back here after Aunt Eileen died.”
“I thought school would be better for you in the city.”
She studies me, guessing that’s only part of the truth, then nods. “What happens next?”
“All the usual stuff. I work with Merrie at the café. We probably never see Mike. We live here, except for you going to Lila’s each week until school is done.”
“And then?”
“And then you’ll be here for the summer, and Lila can come and stay for a bit…”
Sierra shakes her head. “Lila can’t stay here with us. The house isfull.” I get an intent look. “I can’t get ready in the morning without Una banging on the bathroom door and telling me to hurry up. Do you know how many times I re-did my eyeliner this morning?”
This is clearly an indignity beyond expectation, though I can’t help smiling. Una is not subtle. “Only one bathroom here. Maybe Una needed to use it.”
“Maybe we need tomove.”
“I know. I’m just not sure where yet.” I stir the soup. “She might not be as strong as she thinks she is. She might need us close by.”
“Did she ask?”
I laugh. “Not Una. She’ll never ask for help.”
“Then she’s like you.” She holds up a finger before I can reply. “One bathroom, Mom.One.”
I turn to her again. “People get sicker as their chemo treatment continues. Everyone’s different but that bit seems to stay the same.”
