“Hi there Autumn,” I say.
That’s about all I can manage because my throat has gone completely dry. I try to swallow, but there’s nothing there to swallow down. Because now that I’ve had a second to really see this girl - the shape of her face, the curve of her chin, the slight squint when she smiles – yes, she’s Molly’s mini me, but there’s something else there too. Something of me.
The math adds up instantly. This girl – Autumn - she’s three and that works out perfectly for her to have been conceived when I was in Vegas. And suddenly, just like that, I’m sitting in the middle of a moment that’s about to change my life. Molly’s eyes flick to me and I know she knows that I know. Her smile dims slightly, her posture stiffens.
“Molly,” I say quietly. “Can we …?”
“Joshua,” she cuts in gently, but firmly. “Later. Please.”
I nod my head in agreement. Of course I didn’t mean we should talk in front of Autumn. In front of her daughter. My daughter. Our daughter. My heart is racing, and I’m trying to keep myself calm. I don’t want to get too far down this path in case I’m wrong. She could be a large two-year-old and not be mine. But I don’t buy it. Not even for a second.
Autumn is oblivious to the tension in the air. She rests her head against Molly’s chest, humming something tuneless under her breath. Her fingers toy with the hem of her mother’s pajama top, completely at ease, like the world makes sense here on this bed. I wish I felt the same way.
A moment later, the door opens again.
“Oh Molly, I’m so sorry. I told her not to come in here before I put her down. I didn’t know she was awake,” she says.
Molly straightens up slightly.
“It’s ok, Mom. It’s done now.”
Hayley looks at me and then back at Molly.
“Are you alright?” she asks Molly.
Her voice is calm but clipped and I realize what she’s really asking. Is this him? Does he know?
“I’m fine,” Molly says. “Joshua was just saying hi to Autumn. He knows now.”
That last part is said very deliberately, confirming my suspicions about the secondary conversation happening beneath the public one, and Hayley’s eyebrows raise ever so slightly.
“I see,” she says. She thinks for a minute and then she looks down at Autumn. “Time to go, baby girl. How would you like to spend the night at Nana’s place?”
Autumn pouts.
“I don’t wanna go,” she says, snuggling tighter against Molly.
“I know, sweetie. But your mama needs rest. And Nana has spaghetti with extra cheese,” she says. she lowers her voice to an excited whisper. “And if you’re really good, maybe me can make some of your favorite muffins for after.”
Autumn’s reluctance vanishes and she kisses Molly then she slides off the bed. She turns to me, her eyes thoughtful.
“Bye, Joff-wa,” she says in the cutest little voice.
“Bye, Autumn,” I say. My voice is steadier than I expect it to be. “It was nice to meet you.”
She grins at me and then she trots over to grab her backpack from the corner of the room, which I assume Molly packed earlier for her. The older woman touches Molly’s shoulder briefly and leans down to kiss her forehead.
“We’ll talk later,” she murmurs, and Molly nods her head.
“Thanks Mom,” she says.
“Of course,” Hayley says. “See you tomorrow.”
She nods at me on the way out, a nod I return. And then the door clicks shut. And then it’s just me and Molly and the huge secret she has kept from me for all these years.
CHAPTER 42
MOLLY
