I’m pretty sure every pillow and blanket in the entire house is under me right now. They were bound and determined to make this more like a bed than the unforgiving floor.
Jackson looks through the stack of books he has beside him, deciding which one he wants me to read next.
Tucker’s laugh rings from upstairs, where all three men are putting together Jackson’s new bed frame. Why that takes three grown men, I have no idea.
My mind flits to thoughts of building a crib.
This baby is going to be here in two months, if not sooner. I really need to figure out where I’m going to be living when that happens.
Maybe I need to start apartment hunting.I’ve already been told my apartment won’t be done by then.
One of the downsides of living in a small town in the middle of the mountains is getting specialty services like that can be a challenge.
Something about finding anywhere else to live just doesn’t feel right, though. Just like I have every time the thought has crossed my mind over the last few weeks, I push it out of my head.
The guest bedroom upstairs has temporarily become my room.
The morning after the fire, I loved waking up to find them all so close. It was a comfort I desperately needed in a time when so much had been ripped out from under me.
Since then, we’ve gone back to all sleeping separately. Sometimes Tucker and Grayson go back to their own homes. Sometimes they crash in the living room.
My brain knows this is necessary, but my heart hasn’t seemed to get the memo. It wants to have them all as close as possible, all the time.
Obviously, I’m not in the right frame of mind to figure this all out now.
I still have time. We’ll figure it out eventually.
“Can you read this one again?” Jackson says, holding up a book about two dinosaurs that I’ve already read twice.
“Sure,” I say, glad for the reprieve from my tumultuous thoughts. He snuggles into me, his head half-resting on my stomach.
Flipping open the first page, I start reading. I use different voices for the characters, which makes him laugh.
“Wow,” he yelps, sitting up. He turns to fully face me. “What was that?”
I smile, running my hand over my stomach where his head was just resting. “She just kicked.”
“That was the baby,” he says. His little voice is so full of wonder.
He knows that I’m having a baby, but not about the confusing father situation. He’s a perceptive kid, though, so even at four years old, I think he’s pieced more of the situation together than we might think.
Loud footsteps clomp down the stairs. “Are you guys okay?” comes Warren’s worried voice.
“We’re fine,” I say, loud enough that hopefully they can hear.
They all peek in through the fort’s entrance. “What happened?” Grayson asks.
“The baby kicked my head,” Jackson says like it’s the coolest thing ever. I chuckle at his choice of wording.
“Really? That’s cool, bud,” Tucker says, giving Jackson a fist bump.
“She was just saying hi to her big br—” Warren snaps his mouth shut. His eyes fall closed for a moment before he forces them back open. “She was just saying hi because she already knows how awesome you are.”
Jackson smiles at his dad, not picking up on Warren’s shift in demeanor. Jackson might not see it or know its source, but I sure as hell do.
The unknown of everything between all of us and the future is the elephant in the room that I’ve been avoiding like the plague.
With the days between now and my due date dwindling, I know we need to talk. I don’t even know what I want, let alone what they all want.
