“I’d marry a duck if they were fun enough.” He laughed as I pulled the car onto the main road and groaned at the sight of a line of traffic. “Now less fantasizing about pretty girls and more driving – I don’t want to be late for my friend date with Mish. He promised he’d buy me popcorn if I took him to that cheesy movie he wants to see, and I’m already imagining the big tub of toffee popcorn I can devour.”
The entire way home he rambled non-stop, and though I ought to have listened, my head was in the clouds. So much so that, like a fucking idiot, I had a shower and hurried to get ready for the race, forgetting entirely that I had the number of an angelwritten on my skin in something that would wash away before I could save it into my phone.
It was just typical of my luck to have found her and then lost her before I had even begun and though I had no choice but to put Diamond out of my mind forever, a tiny part of my heart wished things would be different.
That maybe the universe could find a way to throw her back into my life one day and offer me a second chance I would not fuck up.
That I could finally find something that made all the noises in my head silence.
Not Long Before Ford Montana Died
The sharp icy breeze danced across my skin as my tired eyes squinted against the sky above. It was a blur of lifeless white and dull gray clouds that never ended. The sky being so gross was not a sight that my body and mind were familiar with since I had been born in flames and preferred it. Sort of like the devil, except I was cuter and red wasn’t my color; I was more of a green and blue girl. Still – sunshine made me happy, snow did not, and all I had right now was snow and freezing skin, littered with goosebumps and astupidoutfit.
I was on a mandatory trip and hadn’t packed my own clothes. Well, my dad had taken me from my room in the middle of the night two days prior, insisting we go away for the weekend. Boy, had I been wrong to presume we were about to go somewhere beachy and fun or that he would pack me something nice and comfy to wear. Oh no. We were not. We were inhell.
Russia. Specifically, a tiny non-existing village where my uncle Beau had been born that looked like it belonged in the dark ages or something bland where I did not want to be. Essentially, it was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by ice and snow and way too much light. My corneas burned. I had no sunglasses, which meant I had to squint. And now I was worried about all the frown lines I was going to give myself because sometimes, like right now, I was a vain bitch.
“Angel.”My daddy’s voice cut through the harsh wind and my internal annoyance.“Hand me your jacket.”
I didn’t hesitate to glance back at him and ask,“Am I in hell? Did I die and end up here?”
He chuckled.“No, not yet. You will be in hell soon. After that, it will be heaven.”A long finger covered in tattoos pointed toward the hole in the iced over lake we stood on.“Get in there for me.”
This trip had been labelled as a bonding event, but in reality was a guise to train me for something. Something I hoped would not come to fruition because holy shit, I was cold. So cold I regretted all my piercings, like the pretty silver bars through my nipples that made me feel like a sexy bitch sometimes. Even the ones on my face that were trophies for all the times I clawed my way out of situations that lesser people would have folded in.
Situations like death, decay, and darkness.
Yeah, I got piercings each time I did something cool. But I had been cool way too many times – girl boss problems – and had almost run out of ideas for jewellery I wanted. Next time I went through an event big enough to traumatize me, I was probably going to have to either get a tattoo or cut off all my hair. Buzz cut Sapphire could have been a vibe. I reckoned I could have pulled it off even if my uncle Beaualways told me I had an egg head.
“You want me to go in?”My brows furrowed as I stared at the solid frozen ground and the tiny hole, barely big enough for a person to slide in, as I handed over my coat.
“Yes, into the water and then stay there for two minutes without complaint.”Dad nodded his head, happy as anything in his thick fur coat, designed to keep the elements at bay.
It was alright for him to speak of getting into the icy water when it was not something he was going to do, and I debated calling him a bitch. Then I remembered how he had got the Bratva ink on his arms and knew my daddy was far from a pussy. He was a badass – so badass his badassary had been pushed into me, and I had come out of the womb being awesome.
At least that was what I told myself as I quivered and debated the merits of patricide.
“My entire body? I cannot just dip a toe?”My lips pursed, arms tucking over my chest to help preserve warmth.
He laughed and pulled a flask out of his jacket pocket, filled with his usual whiskey that made my tongue feel gross whenever he had let me try it. I wasn’t a whiskey girl, but I enjoyed the idea of stealing some of its burning heat.
“Your entire body, Sapphire. Every last inch.”He sipped and offered me some, and although I disliked the taste, I swigged enough of a mouthful of nasty booze to hopefully dull the edge of the bullshit.
Then I ummed and ahhed and huffed and puffed, trying to play the innocent and make my daddy feel bad for me. But he never budged. Instead, he stood there, a few feet away from the hole, his ice-blue eyes sparkling with mischief. If he had been anyone else – even Beau – I would have told him to fuck off and ran away back to somewhere with a fire and hot drinks aplenty. But as it was, I adored my dad a little too much and stripped out of my boots and socks, leaving nothing on but the red swimming costume that had been the least slutty one I owned.
I was all for flashing boobs and ass, and dressing like a bad bitch, but not around my dad. It was weird to me and so I had chosen the most nun-like costume. But even so, it rode high on my hips and was a bit too low on my chest. It offered me no form of protection and I swore to the non-existing gods in the universe that I would smite them as I jumped into the icy lake.
My feet were the first to feel the sharp sting of the cold that had gone too far. My hands and nipples were next. The piercings inside my skin seemed to absorb the disgusting temperature and before I had even begun treading water, I was cussing and shaking like a leaf. A leaf that was probably dying of hypothermia already, knowing my luck.
“There you go,”dad laughed,“that was so easy.”
More curses left my lips – the ones already turning blue. I was sure I would die any moment, and it was not the way I wished to perish. No; I desired something cool. Maybe a parachute accident. Or an explosion. Or even someone taking me out like I was JFK. Anything better than freezing to death in a shitty lake with nobody around for miles but my dad.
“Now… now what?”I shook, forcing my body to stay in the mild waves as I debated just how mad my daddy would get if I dragged him down to the depths of the lake with me.
Not that I wanted either of us to drown, but my body would not last much longer and if I was going to die from the bullshit cold, then so could he. It would serve him right for not taking me to Bali for a suntan and then perhaps in his next life, he would know just how petty I could be when he was acting like a weirdo.
“Under.”He ordered as he stepped closer, trying his best not to smile at me and appear like the scary man he was meant to be.“Go underwater, Sapphire, and hold your breath.”
