“I don’t hate her,” I argue.
But do I?
I don’t know. I’ve had a lot of hard feelings for her over the years, but hate?
“Then what is it, Lily?” Theo asks, his voice hard. “Because from where I’m standing, your and Tanner’s situations are a lot alike, and you seem pretty justified in how you feel about your mom.”
My mind is trying to catch up. I don’t understand where all this iscoming from. But before I can say anything, Theo shakes his head, a deprecating defeat. “Maybe some things are just too big to be forgiven.”
I want to argue with him, but isn’t that what I’ve been saying all along?
The scrape of the chair causes Theo to sit straighter, clearing his stormy features. He looks the picture of perfection on the outside, with dark denim jeans, a charcoal shirt that curves around his body, and an easy-going smile, but his eyes always give him away. That storm is still there, in the dark color of his irises, and I wonder which of us will get struck by the lightning.
Hayes slaps Theo on the shoulder. “That’s not true, Theo. I forgave you already for hitting on my girl last year.”
Thunder rolls over Theo’s features, tension radiating off of him. “First of all, I didn’t hit on your girl.” Hayes lifts a brow. “Fine. I did, but not like that. You were easy to rile. Second, I don’t forgive you for punching me in the face last year, so I guess my point is proven.”
“Coach, you punched my dad in the face?”
The storm grows darker as shades of red color Hayes’s cheeks. “Maybe.”
Tanner’s attention goes to his dad, but Theo stares stonily ahead. I kick his shin under the table with my heel. He doesn’t even flinch.
“What did you do, Dad? Did you hit him back?” Excitement colors Tanner’s voice, and Theo swallows, a muscle jumping in his jaw and the hurt evident in the brokenness on his face. This is the first time Tanner’s spoken to him, and it’s only because of Hayes.
Eventually, Theo sighs and looks at Tanner, his hurt hidden behind a mask.
I always knew Theo was a good dad, but this moment only proves it further. Despite how much he’s hurting, his kid will never know because Theo always protects him.
“No, kid. I didn’t.”
“Why?”
Theo slowly exhales as if giving himself time to figure out the answer to that question, too. “Because I’m trying to be a better man.”
He looks at Tanner as if begging him to understand that he wants to be that man for him. That everything he does is for him.
Tanner swallows. “Did you really not forgive him?”
Hayes sits forward in his seat, and Theo opens his mouth, “I—”
“If someone sins, we should rebuke them,” a small voice interrupts. We all turn to find Bella standing just behind Tanner her head cocked and her hands on her hips, “and if they repent, we should forgive them. Did you repent, Coach Miller? That’s probably the better question.”
A harsh chuckle slips out of Hayes’s mouth. “You know, Bella, I’m not sure I did.” He looks at Theo, his face serious except for the spark in his eyes. “Theo, I’m sorry I hit you in the face. Will you forgive me?”
With his son’s eyes on him, he lives up to the man he’s trying to be, even though I think it kills him a little inside to do so. “I forgive you, Miller.”
A grin splits Hayes’s face, and he slaps Theo on the back. “Great. So you’re saying you finally want to admit we are friends.”
Theo’s jaw tightens, the storm returning. “That’s not what I said.”
Hayes laughs, slapping Theo on the back and leaving with Tanner and Bella to make the rounds around the room.
Theo and I spend the rest of the night lost in our thoughts. A new edge has formed around Theo, and I worry he’ll develop the same habits I have, giving up on people—even if it’s just himself.
Chapter 33
Theo
