His fingers tangle in my hair, and I let myself get lost in him. In the kiss. In anything that makes me forget.
And then it hits me. I’m doing what my mother has always done, finding a high so I don’t have to think. I push away from Theo with a gasp, my hand coming up to cover my mouth because even though we are no longer kissing, I can still feel his lips on mine. We aren’t even touching, and I can feel him everywhere. With one kiss, he buried himself beneath my skin, and I’m not sure if I have a chance of getting him out.
Theo’s eyes are hooded as he watches me, his chest heaving up and down with each breath.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” I say, more to convince myself than him, but it is enough to draw him out of his stupor.
His body goes rigid, running his hand harshly across his jaw. “What was that text about, Lily?”
He doesn’t mention the kiss. I don’t know if he’s giving me a way out or if kissing me was that bad—but the use of my real name makes me feel like I’m in trouble.
I shouldn’t have kissed him.
I’m so stuck on the mistake of that kiss that his question doesn’t sink in at first, but when it does, it’s like being hit with a boulder. I should have known he’d seen the text message. I’d aired all my dirtylaundry for him to see, then kissed him so I didn’t have to think about it.
Turning around, I brace myself on Hayes’s bar, my fingers digging into the marble.
“How did you do it?” I ask. I’m ignoring his question, but I have to know.
“Do what?” Theo sounds tired, and I wonder if it’s because he’s already over making a deal with me. I wouldn’t blame him.
“Beat your addiction? Decide your kid was enough?”
First one teardrop and then another, and I watch numbly as each one hits the counter, landing between my hands.
I should feel something. Anything. But I don’t. I’m just numb.
Theo’s boots thud against the hardwood, drawing closer, but I don’t turn around. Two hands appear on either side of mine, blocking me in. His chest is warm against my back, and I feel his words more than I hear them.
“Because he was worth getting better for, and so are you.”
“I didn’t say—” I start, but he doesn’t let me finish.
“You didn’t have to. An addict recognizes the desperation of another addict. I saw the text, hopeless. And I need you to know you are worth getting better for, whether she ever makes that decision or not. You are worth it.”
But I’m not sure I am because what kind of daughter can’t forgive her mom? After all, I abandoned her, too.
The tears continue to fall, shattering like rain with each drop. One day, I fully expect I’ll do the same, but as strong arms move from the counter to wrap around me, holding me in a way no one ever has, I know it won’t be today.
Chapter 22
Theo
“Wrap it up, boys,” I call from the dugout.
Overall, today’s been a good couple of days. The boys practiced hard, Hayes and Campbell both had a shift and couldn’t come to practice, and Tanner and Morgan got along—if you count actively ignoring each other as getting along, which I do—and Lily Carson kissed me.
She might have looked like she wanted to run afterward, but she kissed me all the same.
The boys run toward me, stopping a few feet away from me and taking a knee like they do at the end of every practice. We are a couple of days from our next game, but the whole team feels a little more settled in than before.
“Today was a great practice,” I say as they wipe sweat from their brows with the backs of their arms. “I want to see that effort and team play at our next game. It’s another home game, so be at the field by four. I’ll see you then.”
We break apart with team on three, and then they scatter, grabbing their bags and discussing their summer plans amongst themselves as they disperse.
Turning into the dugout, I’m gathering my stuff, too, when Tanner says my name.
“Dad.” His voice is hesitant, like he’s unsure what to say, but I turn around anyway, waiting for him to find the words.
