“Your honor, can I approach the bench?” It’s not Tanner who says it. It’s my lawyer. He’s looking at my kid like he has stood in his shoes, and that’s enough for me to reluctantly admit Hayes was right about him.
Judge Ranker looks like he might deny him, but after a second, he nods. “You get one minute, counselor.”
Greg approaches the bench, saying something I can’t make out to the judge. At one point in the conversation, they both glance back at Tanner, who stands watching them. When the conversation ends, Greg returns to where I stand, and Judge Ranker looks at Tanner.
“Young man, I’d like to speak with you in my chambers.”
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The door closes behind Tanner as he disappears with the judge, leaving my chances in the hands of a son who has every right to hate me.
Scrubbing my hand down my face, I try to wipe away the dread, but it doesn’t help.
“Theo,” Lily says my name, and I think about pretending I didn’t hear her so I don’t have to face her disappointment, but in the end, I owe her.
Learning from my mistakes, I prepare myself to look at her this time. Except that doesn’t matter because nothing can ever prepare me for looking at her. It hits me in the chest every time.
Our eyes meet, and even though she is wearing her mask, I can stillsee it—the disappointment that I’m not who she thought I was.
“Can we do this later, Lily?” I ask because I’m going to need more than the short time we have to explain—or maybe it’s that I want to buy a little more time where I can still pretend she will see me as a good dad. Lily and I have been fire and ice from the day we met, but I’ve always at least had her respect for protecting Tanner.
Her lips purse, and I worry she will demand answers now. She has every right to, but to my relief, she nods and says, “Fine, but you owe me an explanation, Theo.”
She’s right. I do. I just don’t know how.
Lily’s hand goes to her necklace, zipping the charm back and forth along the chain as she watches me for a few more seconds before shaking her head and returning to her seat.
The judge’s chamber opens back up, and Tanner walks out first, refusing to look my way. I’ve experienced heartbreak one time in my life, and it happened a lot like this. I can already see what’s coming next, and it’s like watching a car crash that I can’t stop.
Everything slows down, and my breath is harsh in my ears. My heart thunders, hitting against my ribs so hard it feels like my chest might crack open.
I failed him. I failed him. I failed him.
Everything in me screams it.
Judge Ranker takes his seat, and I wonder how I’ll be able to keep breathing after this—if it will be worth breathing if I can’t protect my son.
“I have made my decision—” Judge Ranker starts, but I can’t let him say it without trying one more time.
“Your honor, I have a character witness—” I say, but my voice doesn’t sound like mine. It’s the voice of a desperate man, but if I’m honest with myself, I’ve been desperate for a long time.
“There will be no need for that this time.”
A single tear drips down my cheek, burning a trail down my face and onto my neck. “Please—”
He ignores my plea. “As of now, I’m reinstating custody to Mrs. and Mr. Westbrook. However, the arrangement will no longer be as it was before.”
“Your honor,” I cry, but he shoots me a sharp look, and I close my mouth.
“Before speaking with Tanner, I’d made up my mind to grant full custody to his mother, a woman who has been a consistent presence in his life. Personally, Mr. Sylvis, I don’t view you as stable. You’re a recovering alcoholic with no relationships. However, upon speaking with your son, I am willing to grant joint custody for the summer. We will reconvene in ninety days, and Mr. Sylvis,” he says, narrowing his eyes at me, “you have until then to convince me you can be a better father than what you have been in the past.”
Flashes of Tanner lying in the hospital bed last fall play behind my eyes. I might not have been a perfect father, but I didn’t nearly get him killed last year, either. Josephine and Eric only care about their image and how Tanner can play into that. They’ll push him and push him and push him until he can’t take any more. I can’t allow that to happen again.
I’ve already played the hand I thought would save him from their grip, and it turns out they knew the cards I was holding the whole time.
Chapter 11
Theo
