My mouth falls open. “You can’t have known that. I didn’t even know that.”
MJ snorts. “There’s a difference between denial and ignorance, and there’s only one of those things that you are not. I’ll give you a hint: you’re pretty smart.”
“We were fake dating,” I blurt out, and pure glee lights up MJ‘s face.
“Now we are getting somewhere.” She grabs my hands like we are two school girls sharing secrets. “Tell me everything.”
How do you explain that you started fake dating so people would think you’re capable of emotion?
“I don’t know if your mom has told you, but I’ve applied to be a Birdie.” MJ scrunches her face but motions for me to continue. So I take a deep breath and push on. “Anyway, I applied for the Birdies, but there were—concerns—with my application.”
“What kind of concerns?”
I shrug. “My personality, mostly. They think I’m cold. Standoffish. Aloof. An Ice Queen. Word it however you want, but it all comes down to the same thing. It was me.”
MJ shakes her head. “I’m still not understanding how this led to youand Theo ‘fake’ dating.” She puts little air quotes around fake.
I pause for a minute, unsure whether or not I should tell her about Theo’s side of the bargain, but in the end, I decide to go with the truth. “Theo needed to show the judge that he could stay, and I needed people to see me as more than just cold. In the end, what your mom said convinced me to do it. That day after court, when we talked about what Theo could do to help, she mentioned him being in a lasting relationship, and I figured, what could it hurt? It wasn’t like it was real, but it turns out it can hurt a lot.”
“You know,” MJ says, a smile playing at the corner of her lips. “What’s funny about all this is that you still don’t see it?”
“See what?”
“That it was never fake. I’m sitting here listening to you try to explain the reasons why you chose to ‘fake it,’ but you’re missing the most important one.”
“I don’t understand.”
MJ smiles fully now. “You needed a reason to allow yourself to be in that relationship. I might not know your full story, Lily, but I can identify a girl who’s running. I was one myself. It makes it easier to catch. You’ve been running, but I think you wanted to be caught.”
She’s wrong.
“No. I didn’t.”
She gives me a look, one that screams disbelief. “Fine, let’s say that’s true. What are we doing here? Why did your neighbors call in a well check for you because I haven’t seen you in days?”
“Because the whole town has a problem minding its own business?”
“Mmm-hmm,” she hums. “Try again.”
A long, drawn-out sigh slips from my chest. “Theo and I had a fight.”
“Now we are getting somewhere. About what?”
“About me calling social services.”
“Oh—” MJ’s voice trails off. “Okay, but why?”
“Theo knew. He knew about Morgan and Mia all summer, and when I found out, I told him we had to call social services. He begged me not to and said they would separate Mia and Morgan. Apparently, he’s been helping them, checking in and watching over them, but I—I couldn’t do that. I had to call them, and he—uh—he called me cold.”
One beat of silence passes, and then another. When I look at MJ, she looks horrified, but she’s avoiding my gaze.
“Is something wrong with me? Am I really that bad? I ask, looking away and back to the neighbors.
“Lily, no. You’re not bad. You’re hard to get to know, but that can be said of a lot of people.” She stops, sighing, and out of the corner of my eye, I see her lean forward, bracing her elbows on her knees. “My mom included. You were there, maybe not for all of it, but you saw how strained my relationship was with my mom last year. I didn’t understand her, and she didn’t understand me either. We figured it out, though, but only because we let each other in. Maybe you need to let him in.”
I lick my lips, wiping my hand across my mouth. “He—um—he told me he loved me. After he apologized for calling me cold, he told me he loved me.”
“And you told him you love him back, right?” The sky is suddenly very interesting. I roll my head to study the clouds. “Riiigggttt?” MJ pushes.
