He started the truck and I immediately cranked the heat and turned the vents on me.
“You’re going to turn it into a sauna.”
“Yep,” I said, and the heartbeat of silence between us was so heavy and so awkward I would have started singing to end it. Luckily, there was a gigantic juicy topic of conversation for us that had nothing to do with that night or my fuck ups.
“So,” I turned in the seat to look at him. I couldn’t even stop myself from smiling. He glanced at me and smiled back. “Let’s talk about your brothers.”
The smile dropped from his face.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said and I laughed. I laughed so hard I had to cough.
“Stop,” he said.
Yesterday, Nick had left the park before his brothers (I still couldn’t get over that word) had even reached us. He’d muttered anIgottagoand vanished back to his garage. The two hockey players had passed right by me on their way to hunt down Nick at his garage. They’d been like giants. The earth practically trembled with every footstep.
“Nick.”
“Nora,” he said in that way that said the conversation was over.
“Yesterday you’re giving me shit for not returning your texts and today you’re shutting me out. Which is it Nick?”
He looked over at me, then looked back to the road. Then looked over at me, and then back at the road.
“Both,” he barked.
I rolled my eyes.
“Don’t you roll your eyes at me,” he snapped. “You’ve been MIA for six years and now you want me to, what? Start…sharing?”
“Okay, first, you understand thatsharingis not a negative thing. It makes you stronger, not weaker. Second, I’m back in Calico Cove for the foreseeable future, so we have two ways to behave. We either ignore each other, which I’d like to remind you was my choice. Or do what you said you wanted and go back to normal.”
Another glance, this time his expression was fierce. “Is that a thing I get to have? Us being normal again?”
I felt complicated things about the way he said that, like having me back in his life was a gift he didn’t know how to trust. Which was the Nick Renard story in a nutshell. A story that still had the power to break my heart. A guy so good should have good things in his life. Things he could trust.
I had no idea if I could do it or not, but I also knew this:
Nick dealing with two unknown biological half-brothers was not something he had the emotional skills to handle alone.
I just needed to protect myself so I didn’t fall into my old trap of believing he felt the same way about me that I did about him. Because he didn’t. Wouldn’t.
Maybe even couldn’t.
His childhood had not equipped him for love.
Maybe…maybe friendship, really good friendship, was his maximum emotional attachment.
Making it about him and not about something unlovable in me, loosened the knot in my chest and I took a deep breath.
“On one condition.”
“Name it.”
“We never talk about that night.”
“Nora…” he sighed.
“Don’t pretend like you want to, either.”
