“I don’t feel like it.”
“Why not? You told me you used to swim all the time.”
“I just don’t want to right now, that’s all.”
He sat up next to her. “I’m not going to jump you just because you’re wearing a bathing suit.”
“I know that.”
“Chaz, you’ve got to get over what happened.”
She poked at the sand with a stick. “Maybe I don’t want to get over it. Maybe I need to make sure I never forget so I don’t get caught up in anything like that again.”
“You won’t.”
“How do you know?”
“Simple logic. Let’s say you broke your arm again, or even your leg. Do you really think Bram would throw you out? Or that Georgie wouldn’t step in, or that I wouldn’t let you stay at my place? You’ve got friends now, although you’d never know it from the way you treat them.”
“I made Georgie eat, didn’t I? And you shouldn’t have said that to her about how I was afraid of flunking.”
“You’re smart, Chaz. Everybody knows it but you.”
She picked up a broken shell and ran the sharp point over her thumb. “I could have been smart, but I missed too much school.”
“So what? That’s what a GED is for. I told you I’d help you study.”
“I don’t need help.” If he helped her, he’d figure out exactly how much she didn’t know, and he’d stop respecting her.
But he seemed to understand what she was thinking. “If you hadn’t helped me, I’d still be fat. People are good at different things. I was always good in school, and it’s my turn to do you a favor. Trust me. I won’t be nearly as mean about it as you were with me.”
She had been mean to him. Georgie, too. She stretched out her legs. Her skin was pale as a vampire’s, and she saw this one little place she’d missed when she’d shaved. “Sorry.”
She must not have sounded like she meant it because he wouldn’t let it go. “You’ve got to stop being so rude to people. You think it makes you look tough, but it only makes you seem sort of pitiful.”
She launched herself off the towel. “Don’t say that!”
He looked up at her. She glared back, her arms rigid at her sides and her hands fisted.
“Stop the bullshit, Chaz.” He sounded tired, as if he’d gotten bored with her. “It’s time for you to grow up and start acting like a decent human being.” He rose slowly to his feet. “You and I are best friends, but half the time I’m ashamed of you. Like that bullshit with Georgie. Anybody with eyes can see how bad she’s feeling. You didn’t have to make it worse.”
“Bram’s feeling just as bad,” she retorted.
“That doesn’t justify the way you talked to her.”
He looked like he was ready to give up on her. She wanted to cry, but she’d kill herself first, so she tore open the cover-up and threw it down in the sand. She felt naked, but Aaron only looked at her face. When she’d been on the streets, the men had hardly ever looked at her face. “Are you satisfied?” she cried.
“Are you?” he asked.
She wasn’t satisfied with much of anything about herself, and she was sick of being afraid. Leaving the house made her nervous. She was scared to take her GED. Scared of so much. “If I’m nice to people, they’ll start to take advantage of me,” she cried.
“If they start taking advantage of you,” he said quietly, “stop being nice to them.”
Her skin prickled. Did it really have to be all or nothing? She thought of what he’d said earlier, that she had friends who’d watch out for her. She hated depending on other people, but maybe that was because she’d never been able to. Aaron was right. She did have friends now, but she still acted like she was alone in her fight against the world. She didn’t like knowing he thought of her as a mean person. Being mean wouldn’t save her from anything. She studied her feet. “Don’t give up on me, okay?”
“I can’t,” he said. “I’m too curious to see how you’re going to turn out when you grow up.”
She looked back up at him and saw this funny expression on his face. He wasn’t looking at her body or even taking his eyes off her, but she was aware of him in a way that made her feel…itchy or thirsty. Something. “Are you ready to swim yet?” she said. “Or do you want to stand here all day psychoanalyzing me?”
