“I am trying,” he said, resting his forehead against hers. “I’m trying to better. I want to be a pacifist again. I want to reclaim my past. I don’t want tobea monster.”
Grace’s jaw tightened as she resisted the urge to insist, again, that he wasn’t one. It didn’t matter how many times she argued with him, if he was determined to think that way, she couldn’t change his mind just by repeating herself. Instead, after a moment, she released her grip on his feathers and gently stroked them back into place, giving him a soft smile.
“If that’s what you want, Sway. Then, I’m with you.”
He gave her a look. “With me?”
She nodded. “I support you. In all your pacifistic glory. I think maybe we should start by improving your relationship with your father. Who better to teach you more about your people?”
“Grace…” He smiled.
She laughed. “Besides, when wedohave younglings of our own, it would be nice if they could get to know their grandfather.”
Sway threw his arms around her, laughing as he kissed the top of her head. More than any reassurances she could give, that promise of the future lightened his heart considerably. She returned the embrace, deciding not to think about the duality of Sway.
Happy Sway.
Cold Sway.
However he wanted to present himself to her, even if it was behind a mask, she would accept him exactly as he was.
Chapter 27
Sway
The next two days were filled with bliss.
And discomfort.
Being with Grace was a peace Sway had never known in his life. Probably not since his days as a hatchling when there were no problems in the world, and everything could be made better by the warmth of his mother’s embrace. Sometimes, he would cuddle up to Grace just like that, no sexual intent at all. His only intention to hold on and hear her heartbeat and feel her body.
But then, other times, the darkness that lived inside him demanded satisfaction. Usually, it was right in the middle of them making love. While he could kiss and tongue her cunt with a sweet slowness, the moment it came to his own pleasure, he needed heat and fire and, sometimes, a little pain. Grace pulling on his feathers or pinching his skin or scratching him. Something.
And he realized very quickly why that was. Sway had never had a sexual encounter that was willing and enthusiastic. It was always something he was forced to do, and, if he was the one doing the fucking, he would come when they did. Just becausethat was how his people were made. Sexual pleasure, to him, was reluctant, painful, and purely sensational.
To his horror, that extended to his time with Grace. He felt pleasure taking her slowly, but invariably, there would come a point where he had to turn her around, flip her over, cover her eyes –something, anything– to keep her from seeing the change he felt come over him.
Pleasure was different with her than anyone else. Hewantedit. He craved it. The height of his ecstasy was better in her arms. But it was still contaminated by his past.
It was beginning to feel like everything in his life was.
And if everything was tainted by Rik-Vane, was there a point to trying to change?
Grace had to notice. The difference in the way he treated her from one moment to the next was obvious. But she didn’t say anything to him about it, and when they were done,shewas the one comfortinghim. Running her hand over his crest, whispering how much she enjoyed that, how good he was to her, how amazing he was as her male.
She was a far better female than he deserved, but he was never going to let her go.
Honestly, he was perfectly content to spend the rest of their time in the Song holed up in their room at the inn, enjoying and learning each other. Making love and fucking in equal measure.
But, halfway through the third day, he got a message from Vweet, asking if he and Grace would meet them at the courtyard that night. There was something important, culturally, that Veesway wanted him to experience.
It was an invitation he was, surprisingly, excited to receive.
“You look happy,” Grace said as she snuggled against his chest, reading the message along with him off his combot.
“I think I am,” Sway said, running the hand he had wrapped around her over her hip. “He is my father… after all.”
The words were hesitant only because they were unfamiliar. For all that he knew, intellectually, Veesway was his father, it hadn’t felt like that since he landed. Surely, there should be some kind of instant recognition? Some sense of rightness?
