But he’d always resisted those urges. That was a trained behavior, he’d reminded himself again and again through the years whenever those violent tendencies rose. A behavior that he’d been working so hard at unlearning. Sure, he might have broken those rules a little with Covor, but he was still alive, wasn’t he? Nothing he did to him couldn’t be healed. So, really, it wasn’tthatbad. He could have killed him, and he didn’t. He was still a pacifist.
Though, if he was being honest with himself, he knew that wasn’t good enough for other people. He hadn’t even tried to think of another way to deal with Grace’s boss. He certainly didn’t regret it. That piece ofskakthad left marks on Grace’s delicate skin. He deserved worse.
But Loyalty had done nothing that would earn the immediate urge to hurt him. To beat him back, away from Grace.
It felt like all those years of work and effort trying to retrain his brain into rejecting violence the way it was supposed to had just never happened. It was annoying, frustrating, how easy it was for Sway to slip right back into that mindset.
And now that hewasback in it, now that he’d lost control one time, he immediately turned around and considered violence against another person.
He was disappointed. In himself. In all the years of wasted in effort. Shamed by the harsh reality that, despite everything, he was still that dishonorable, violent, heartless madman he had been carved into by the Master’s cruel touch.
But he didn’t have the time to wrestle with that right now.
The dock housing the Humility wasn’t empty as it should be this time of night. One of his crew, Vytln, was there. He was a large male, with rough, rock like, brown skin streaked through with glowing red and orange lines – like the dying embers of a fire. He’d brought a storage box to the bottom of the loading ramp and was seated on it, tinkering with something.
His casual, relaxed position was a facade. No doubt, Tanin had assigned him there to make sure that no one attempted to sabotage the Humility after Sway attacked the station master.
Vytln looked up as they approached, his eyes glowing like the lines on his skin. There was no censure in his gaze, though Sway had, most assuredly, ended his leave time on the station. He had likely been out enjoying himself when Tanin commed to get him back here.
But he didn’t complain or demand an explanation. He merely glanced up then back down at whatever project he was fixing or breaking – Sway wasn’t sure what he was doing, and it could be either. It was just a means of keeping his hands busy as he kept watch anyway.
Neither of them spoke as he passed. They didn’t have to ask the other a single question. Vytln didn’t even appear curious as Sway guided the other two up into the ship.
Already, it smelled different. Sway noticed it immediately when they first began cycling the air through the new life supportsystem. The initial smell wasn’t a good one, but it was clean in a way that their old ship wasn’t. As the system was continuously cycled, however, that new scent was fading, leaving a fresh, clean scent in its place that would soon become the new normal. It would never completely cover the scent of metal, but it was much better than the stale, harshly metallic scent of before.
It was also cleaner in here. The stain removal had been done already, and the result was a lot of the discoloration being lifted off the floors and walls. The secondary command center was open when they passed, the subspace generator once again looking like a neat, clean machine, with a proper concavity in the center and not the welded bowl they had before. It was still open and waiting, the old, dead crystals missing. The plates had all been replaced with properly sized ones and were now just missing the new crystals and the final layer on the bowl.
The Humility only had one spare room that they would offer to living cargo. It was being used by Goldie at the moment, but would be briefly claimed by Loyalty from today on. There was no second extra room for Grace to stay.
So, Sway brought her to his room.
He hardly used the thing anyway, he reasoned. Most of the time, he was sleeping on the bridge. His room was pretty much just used to store his belongings. Vytln didn’t use his room much either, but it was full of machine parts and kept warmer than humans preferred the ambient temperature. And he couldn’t ask anyone else to vacate their space for his passenger.
There really was no reason for Sway to make excuses for keeping Grace in his room. He wanted her in there, true, but it really was the most logical place for her. It was a little messy because he wasn’t particularly focused on cleaning, but itwasn’t anything that couldn’t be tidied quickly. Which he did the moment the door slid open.
“You can stay in here,” he told Grace as he picked up his discarded clothing. More jumpsuits and shirts – the only things he wore. He tossed them into the laundry chute – which would automatically clean and return his clothing to the return bin. He’d have to come back at some point to collect them. But for now, he didn’t want to offer her an untidy dirty room.
But as he turned, he winced. The pod bed – standard on a starship – was unmade. There was a stack of trays on the floor beside the bed. The storage drawers were all half open. The privy was clean – thank the stars – but that was only because he rarely used it.
“I’m sorry,” he said as Grace stepped in after him, frowning. From the doorway, Loyalty was snickering as he set her luggage right inside.
“Is this your room?” She asked, glancing with concern.
“It is. I, er, never use it. Much. But I’ll clean it up right now.”
“Are you… staying in here with me?” She gave him a quick look, and he realized that she wasn’t worried about the mess. She was concerned about him pressing her for more than she was willing to give.
“Oh. No!” He reassured her quickly, turning to shut the drawers of his personal storage. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to give you that… I would, of course… That is to say, I often sleep on the bridge. I really only come in here to change. But I can do that in any of the privies on the ship. You are more than free to have this room while you’re here.”
“Demand your credz back,” Loyalty smirked, leaning in the doorway. “The custodial services here suck.”
Sway didn’t have time to be annoyed with his quip. As he was shutting his drawers, his eyes caught on the pouch that he used to store his old claws. The weapons he’d brought with him from Rik-Vane but never wore again. He used to never let them be trapped in pouch, much less in a drawer in his room, far form his reach.
Before Grace could notice them, he scooped up the pouch and shoved it in his pocket before knocking the drawer shut as he turned.
“Please, make yourself comfortable,” he said sincerely to Grace, turning her gaze back onto him. “I’m going to get you some new bedding. And, er, I’ll take those trays as well.
She shifted her weight. “I feel bad about kicking you out of your room.”
