We continued to stare at each other for a long beat before he broke the tension with a shake of his head. “You’re back.”
“I’m back,” I squeezed out, watching as he gathered my books once more. “Can we talk?”
“I have training,” he replied, standing up and handing over my books. “Cap will cut my bollocks off if I’m late.”
I should have respected his answer.
After all, I had no right to push for more, but I couldn’t stop myself from whispering the wordplease.
His feet faltered and I watched the storm in his brown eyes as an internal battle raged inside of him.
Finally, when I had almost given up hope, he relented with a weary nod. “Okay.”
He inclined his head in the direction of the picnic tables and relief washed through me.
“So, when did you get back?” he asked, falling into step beside me.
“Friday,” I heard myself explain in a much steadier voice than I was feeling. The sensation of his big arm brushing against my shoulder as we walked sent my frazzled nerves on a downward spiral.
Rippling jolts of excitement rocketed through my core, causing my skin to come alive like an electrical current.
Oh God, not here, I mentally prayed, fighting down the familiar disgusting urges and compulsions.Not now. Be good. Stay fucking stable, dammit.
“Did it help?” Hugh asked, setting my books down on an empty picnic bench.
“Yes,” I lied, taking a seat at the table. “I feel a lot better now.”
“Good.” He dropped his gear bag on the ground and took the seat opposite mine. Resting his elbows on the table, he plucked at a piece of chipped wood. “I want you to feel better, Liz.”
My breath was coming in short, audible puffs when I asked, “You do?”
Hugh stared hard at me for a long beat before blowing out a pained breath. “Of course I do.”
“You didn’t…” My words trailed off, and I had to look away for a moment to catch my breath before retraining my attention on his face.
It hurt too much.
It didn’t hurt enough.
I swallowed deeply, trying to broach the question. “Claire. You didn’t…”
“I didn’t tell her anything,” Hugh interjected in that familiar, assuring tone. “All anyone knows is that you’ve been in Spain with your parents.”
“I’m sorry you had to cover for me,” I said, feeling a great deal of shame for dragging him into battles that raged between my mind and me. “I’m sorry for pulling you into my mess at the hospital that day.”
“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
His words threw me. “You would?”
He nodded. “Yeah, Liz. I would.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re sitting here,” he replied simply. “Because you’reyouagain.” A faint smile ghosted his lips. “That’s all I’veever wanted, Liz.” Pain flickered in his brown eyes. “Iwantyou to be okay.” He spoke slowly, enunciating every word with care. “Iwantyou to have a good life.”
“Yeah.”Just not with you.
GOODBYE, MY LOVER
