‘Yes.’ A weird little laugh escapes, quickly swallowed up by a fresh wave of mortification. I look at her again. ‘Did you know who I was from the start?’
‘No. I knew a group of Bryn’s friends would be on the same train as me, and she sent me an old photo of them. I was going to introduce myself but that first time we met you were all in the middle of an argument. Then the second time, it was just you and me, and then you told me you were coming to stop the wedding.’
‘I wasn’t going to stop the wedding!’ I growl, fed up with this narrative. ‘I was never going to crash the wedding; I was just going to talk to Bryn. If the wedding then got stopped it would have been because she wanted it stopped.’
‘Okay,’ Alex says, lapsing into silence for a minute while I stand with my face in my icy hands.
‘So, then what, you just decided to manipulate me with all that stuff about the polar bear trip, the “Ember without Bryn is someone that sounds cool”, to try and get me to leave?’
‘No . . .’
‘And then you pretended you were into me? So I’d change my mind about her?’
‘Yes, alright, at first I did think that. It was my sister’s wedding—’
‘But you could have just told me.’
‘I should have. I wasn’t expecting us to have this much, you know, of a draw to each other, to be honest.’
I nod, hearing her loud and clear, and now wanting to be far away from her. ‘I’m going inside,’ I say.
‘Let’s go and warm up,’ Alex agrees, opening the door and letting me through first. I take the coat off. ‘Keep that for a while if you like, until you’re thawed out?’
‘No thanks.’ I hand her back the coat. ‘I told you so much, about me, about my relationship with Bryn.’
‘I’m not going to tell anyone. It was all between me and you. I know you won’t believe this now, but it turned into something real for me, it still is. You were always safe with me.’
I give her one more long look. ‘I can’t talk to you right now, not about any of it, Alex. So, I’ll just say, Merry Christmas. To you and your beautiful family.’
My feet take me back through the never-ending carriages. I am numb.
Chapter 40
Cali
It’s been a long day, and it’s not late but I think I’m ready to put Christmas Day to bed. I think. Or am I?
I leave the party and the music and the lights behind me and descend the stairs, taking it slow, dawdling, straightening things in the bar area, wasting time while I decide if I’m going to my compartment, or his.
Like a mini, blonde tornado, Ember storms into the bar car and, before she even sees me, grabs a bottle from behind the counter and takes a swig.
‘Hello,’ I say. ‘You okay?’
She turns and focuses on me, seeing me suddenly. ‘Did you know?’
‘Did I know what?’ Shit, what have I done? Does she mean did I know about Joss liking Luke? ‘No, I swear I didn’t know she liked him. But she can’t hold this against me forever, right, nobody can stake a claim over another person.’
Ember shakes her head, and shakes the bottle towards me. ‘I don’t know what – this – is about but sounds like you might be in need of this.’
‘Actually, I was just going to . . . no, fuck it, give it to me.’ I take a big gulp before realising its neat vodka. I splutter. Mmm, quite nice though. ‘So, what are you talking about?’
‘Did you know that Alex is about to be Bryn’s sister-in-law?’
I blink at Ember. ‘Why?’
‘Because Ruby, Bryn’s fiancée, is Alex’s sister.’
‘Alex’s SISTER?’ I boom. ‘Whoa. No, I didn’t know. Why didn’t she tell us?’
