‘Well, I am more than happy to not share with any of you, and be on my own. Same old, huh?’ Sara flicks her hair back, her lips pursed, and edges towards the furthest away carriage. ‘Joss and Joe, and Luke and Cali.’
‘Whooooa,’ Luke and I say at the same time.
Sara looks at us, like, what’s the problem with sharing a room with a one-time romantic partner who you’re still obsessed with? ‘Well, you have already seen each other naked.’
I splutter and stutter for a few beats. ‘I’ve seen you naked, too. I’ve seen all of you naked, even Joe thanks to that night he got drunk and thought the hose behind the house was the shower.’
Joe chuckles behind me, the first genuine laugh I’ve heard this trip. Phew. Maybe we aren’t doomed to come out of this worse than we went in? Maybe?
‘Yeah, I don’t know . . . I don’t think that’s a good idea.’ Luke could not look more uncomfortable right now. Gone is the hint of a smile. And perhaps that tells me everything I need to know about where he stands. So, I am not about to try and convince him to sleep with me. I mean on top of me. I mean in a cabin with me.
‘You and I could share?’ I suggest to Sara.
‘Wow. None of you want to share with me.’ It’s more of a statement than a question from Joss at this point, and we all make eerrrrrm noises until Joe steps up.
‘Bunk in with me then, sis. It’ll be like old times. I’ll make sure you don’t die in the middle of the night.’
‘Thank you,’ she says, sarcasm venoming her voice. The two of them lob their things into the first cabin.
‘So, me and you,’ Sara says. Her voice isn’t cold, as such. It’s not angry, like Joss, or indifferent, like Joe. Not hesitant, like Luke. Just brisk, like the air outside on the platform. Flat. Detached. ‘Then Luke on his own.’
‘Unless we see if Ember wants the extra bed?’ I suggest.
‘She has her own bed,’ Joss calls out from where she’s already in her cabin, facing the window, putting her headphones on. ‘No.’
‘Yeah, no.’ Sara shakes her head, and goes into the second cabin, leaving Luke and I in the corridor just as the train lets out a long, adventurous toot, and the engine starts with a rumble under our feet.
‘Let’s have lunch together? As a group?’ I suggest before any doors are closed.
There are grumbles of agreement, and Luke hesitates by his door, like he wants to say something to me. Then steps inside, where I hear him blow out a large exhale of air as he closes his door.
I follow Sara into our cabin, and take a seat to watch the suburbs of Toronto begin to glide past the window.
This is going to be okay, right? Surely we’ll come away from this at least a little closer? Or will the vastness of Canada make us feel more alone than ever?
On our way, I text Bryn. I never removed her from my phone, so all our old texts are stored above this one, full of happy news and in-jokes and silly memes.
Ember must be lonely. The others won’t be happy, but I’m inviting her to lunch.
Chapter 13
Ember
They’re so cliquey. Were they always like this? Maybe not Cali, but the others. I didn’t ask them to get involved in any of this. It’s between Bryn and me, not them, they made it very clear a long time ago that I wasn’t part of their group any more, and I’ve got through a hell of a lot without their help.
Still, though. I was expecting the weather to be cold but they are definitely matching that energy.
I climb aboard my carriage, a number of carriages down from the one they all went into, and recheck the number on my ticket. I’ll be spending the next four nights in this very recliner seat.
The leather on the chair squeaks as I sit down, waking up the woman in the adjoining seat, who’s already tucked under a blanket, reclined, a gentle snore emitting from her open mouth.
Bet it doesn’t sound so gentle at three in the morning.
She blinks at me, looks out of the window, then back at me. I smile. ‘I take it these seats aren’t too bad to sleep on, then?’
‘Have we left Toronto?’ she asks, sitting up. She’s perhaps a decade older than me, with muddy walking boots on her feet and two sets of glasses atop her head.
‘Just setting off now.’
