Chapter 41
It was an emotional few days, raw and personal, and everything inside Alice came out on the pages of her sketch pads. Many times she wanted to stop, but she was determined to persevere, allowing herself the release.
Her mind and her heart were laid out on those pages, and the result was a beautiful collage of heartbreaking and heart-warming illustrations. She drew her memories of the crush, sometimes in vivid detail, sometimes in vague darkness. She drew the months of isolation, even when people (or animals) were around. She drew the funeral and the way the sunlight glinted on her friends’ make-up-free faces. She drew Switzerland and the stars and the mountains and how tiny she felt against them, but then drew them again with her getting bigger. She drew Marco’s profile. She drew the Hamleys window. She drew her nook. She drew her journey.
By the end she was exhausted, and she slept so deeply and for so long that it wasn’t until Bear leapt on the bed at nine o’clock the following morning, needing to be taken out for a wee, that she emerged back into the world.
Wrapping herself in her snow jacket and snow boots over the top of her pyjamas, she stepped outside into the snow, the sun bright and already zooming into the sky. Bear jumped into the snow and legged it to the side of the house where he cocked his leg and weed for a jolly long time.
‘Good morning,’ she heard behind her, and turned to see Marco, geared up and heading out to work.
Alice smiled. She felt dozy but clear-headed, crumpled but fine with it. ‘Morning,’ she said back.
Marco went in for a kiss but she stopped him. ‘For your own safety, I would save it for later. I’ve just woken up.’
‘Well, I’m glad you slept okay. I can’t wait to get to bed this evening, it’s been a long week.’
‘Everything okay?’ she asked.
‘Just so busy, non-stop, you know? We had a really hard rescue which finally finished this morning. It took a couple of days and it didn’t work out.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Me too.’ Marco nodded, the weight of the world on his shoulders right now.
‘Are you working tomorrow?’
‘No, not at the moment.’ He rolled his shoulders. ‘How’s your week been?’
Alice breathed. ‘Intense. In a different way to yours, of course. I’ve been drawing again. Have you ever heard of expressive writing therapy?’
He shook his head.
‘Well, anyway, I’ve been sketching out my thoughts and memories from the past few months, a bit like I used to do for work, hopefully will do again one day, but super-forcing the spotlight on myself. How is that dog still having a wee?’
Marco laughed. ‘So how do you feel after having done it?’
‘I feel like somebody’s gone into my head and given it a good sweep up. They’ve left the pile of rubbish in there, but it’s cleaner and more ordered. You must think I’m such a headcase.’
‘I don’t at all,’ he replied. ‘Can I see them?’
‘No. At the moment they’re just for me. I hope you understand. I might show them or use them someday, but right now they’re a bit . . . ’
‘Personal?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Fair enough.’
‘So you’d better get going,’ she said, now that Bear had finally finished. ‘Feel free to come over later if you want to talk, have some wine and fall asleep on the sofa.’
‘I will definitely do that.’ Marco leant over and kissed her on the cheek. ‘What are you going to do today?’
She rolled her neck and breathed in the fresh air. ‘I think I might go snowshoeing. And then tomorrow I’m going to take you to lunch before my friends arrive.’
He laughed, delighted. ‘Okay then. Have a great day, both of you.’
‘And you.’
