The waiter took Alice’s menu. ‘A Pizza 007 for you.’ Then he leaned in and whispered, ‘And can he eat sausages?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered back.
‘Okay, I bring him one.’ He tapped his nose like they were the secret agents, and scurried off to the kitchen.
Her pizza arrived, with a small, fat sausage on the side as promised for Bear, and Alice tucked in, savouring the garlicky, bacony flavours. She looked out of the window as she munched away, Bear doing the same, contentedly watching the world go by. Occasional thoughts would drift in, questioning how the world carried on after atrocities like the one she had witnessed, and yet it did. But she wanted to be glad of the fact, not to resent it.
She picked up her glass of beer that she’d agreed to on impulse, because what better way to start the Christmas season on such a snowy day, and cheersed the faint reflection of herself in the glass, whispering, ‘To the world.’
*
It hadn’t all been light since coming to Switzerland, and it certainly wasn’t for Alice over the next two weeks. She kept hold of her hope tightly, but there were days, and nights, that felt more like thick mud than powder-light snow.
Going back to England played on her mind and her emotions, looming in the ever-decreasing distance.Come back, it would say to her.Come back, close the curtains, lie down and don’t get up.
But she kept her promise to herself about pushing herself forward, and every day when the thoughts and worries threatened to smother her from within, that would be the moment she’d bury them deep and take herself out and onto the mountain.
After her snowboarding lesson with Lola, Alice had – with the rose-tinted glasses of someone whose physical aches had subsided – decided it felt good to have her body feel strong and used again. She knew her leg injury might cause her pain, but she needed it. If it went away, it was like it had all been erased. She didn’t want to let her skills go to waste, so she bought a lift pass for the season, and bought some of Lola’s old equipment off her, and vowed that every day she would practise for an hour.
She wasn’t really fussed about being a pro snowboarder. Which was lucky because she was pretty awful at the moment. But it gave her something to think about. It presented opportunities for shared smiles with strangers during a pause in the sunshine. It let her skin see the sunshine and her heart beat faster. And slowly, slowly, with each day that passed, Alice got stronger. She fell less, and stood up tall more and more.
And she’d found something else to do, something festive, just for her and her Bear. Every day on their evening walk, they went off to find the day’s Advent window. She’d discovered this Mürren tradition by chance on the third day of December, passing a house with a beautifully decorated window including a giant sparkling ‘3’. Every day was a different house, and anyone was invited to come along and take a look, and enjoy anapéro– a drink and a small bite to eat and a chat with a local resident. With everyapéroshe felt more at home.
Café LIV had accepted her drawings, and Alice worked daily creating more, adding festive touches to draw in the pre-Christmas customers. The calendar edged ever closer towards the big day, and she treated herself with dog hugs, random books, warm teas while sitting in her nook, a chat with her friends next door. One morning, after a restless night, she had to really drag herself out of the door for Bear’s walk, so when she was out she bought some ingredients at the Coop and her treat, or her distraction, was to bake someBasler Brunsli– traditional Swiss Christmas cookies – from a recipe she’d found online. As the day at the thermal springs had told her over a month before, it was okay to have a little self-care, just as it was okay to feel really crap about everything. She didn’t do a great job on the cookies, and Marco, Noah and David all politely spat theirs out into napkins and promised to show her how it was done sometime. But nevertheless, she persisted.
